活着4 — 余华‍‍‍ ‍To Live — Yu Hua‍‍‍ ‍翻译：躍龍

躍龍

　　上私塾时我从来不走路，都是我家一个雇工背着我去，放学时他已经恭恭敬敬地弯腰蹲在那里了，我骑上去后拍拍雇工的脑袋，说一声：

When I went to the private school, I never walked. One of my servants always carried me there. When school was over, he would be respectfully squatting there. I would climb on top of him, pat his head, and say,

“长根，跑呀。”

"Changgen, run!"

雇工长根就跑起来，我在上面一颠一颠的，像是一只在树梢上的麻雀。我说一声：

Changgen would then run, and I would bounce up and down on him like a sparrow on a treetop. I would say,

“飞呀。”

Fly!

　　长根就一步一跳，做出一副飞的样子。

Changgen took a few leaps, mimicking the act of flying.

我长大以后喜欢往城里跑，常常是十天半月不回家。我穿着白色的丝绸衣衫，头发抹得光滑透亮，往镜子前一站，我看到自己满脑袋的黑油漆，一副有钱人的样子。

When I grew up, I loved going to the city, often staying away from home for ten days or half a month. I wore a white silk dress, my hair slicked back and shiny. Standing in front of the mirror, I saw my head covered in black paint, looking like a rich man.

　　我爱往妓院钻，听那些风骚的女人整夜叽叽喳喳和哼哼哈哈，那些声音听上去像是在给我挠痒痒。做人呵，一旦嫖上以后，也就免不了要去赌。这个嫖和赌，就像是胳膊和肩膀连在一起，怎么都分不开。后来我更喜欢赌博了，嫖妓只是为了轻松一下，就跟水喝多了要去方便一下一样，说白了就是撒尿。赌博就完全不一样了，有一股叫我说不出来的舒坦。以前我是过一天和尚撞一天钟，整天有气无力，每天早晨醒来犯愁的就是这一天该怎么打发。我爹常常唉声叹气，训斥我没有光耀祖宗。

I loved going to brothels, listening to those flirtatious women chatter and moan all night long; those sounds were like tickling me. Once you start frequenting brothels, you inevitably end up gambling. Brothels and gambling are like arms and shoulders, inseparable. Later, I preferred gambling even more. Visiting brothels was just to relax, like needing to relieve yourself after drinking too much water—basically, just peeing. Gambling was completely different; there was a kind of comfort I can't describe. Before, I lived day to day, listless and lethargic, waking up every morning wondering how to kill time. My father often sighed and scolded me for not bringing honor to our ancestors.

　　我心想光耀祖宗也不是非我莫属，我对自己说：“凭什么让我放着好端端的日子不过，去想光耀祖宗这些累人的事。再说我爹年轻时也和我一样，我家祖上有两百多亩地，到他手上一折腾就剩一百多亩了。我对爹说：

I thought to myself, bringing glory to our ancestors isn't something that only I can do. I said, "Why should I give up a perfectly good life to think about such tiring things as bringing glory to our ancestors? Besides, my father was just like me when he was young. Our ancestors had over two hundred acres of land, but after he managed to manage it, only a little over one hundred acres remained." I said to my father:

“你别犯愁啦，我儿子会光耀祖宗的。”

"Don't worry, my son will bring glory to our ancestors."

　　总该给下一辈留点好事吧。我娘听了这话吃吃笑，她偷偷告诉我：“我爹年轻时也这么对我爷爷说过。我心想就是嘛，他自己干不了的事硬要我来干，我怎么会答应。那时候我儿子有庆还没出来，我女儿凤霞刚好四岁。家珍怀着有庆有六个月了，自然有些难看，走路时裤裆里像是夹了个馒头似的一撇一撇，两只脚不往前往横里跨，我嫌弃她，对她说：

"We should leave something good for the next generation, shouldn't we?" My mother chuckled when she heard this, and secretly told me, "My father said the same thing to my grandfather when he was young. I thought to myself, 'That's right, how could I agree to do something he can't do himself?' At that time, my son Youqing wasn't born yet, and my daughter Fengxia was just four years old. Jiazhen was six months pregnant with Youqing, and naturally, she looked a bit unsightly. When she walked, it looked like she had a steamed bun stuck in her crotch, and her feet didn't step forward or sideways. I disliked her and said to her:

“你呀，风一吹肚子就要大上一圈。”

'You, if the wind blows, your belly will grow even bigger.'"

　　家珍从不顶撞我，听了这糟蹋她的话，她心里不乐意也只是轻轻说一句：

Jia Zhen never talked back to me. Hearing these insults, she was displeased but only softly said,

“又不是风吹大的。”

"It wasn't something that grew out of thin air."

自从我赌博上以后，我倒还真想光耀祖宗了，想把我爹弄掉的一百多亩地挣回来。那些日子爹问我在城里鬼混些什么，我对他说：

Ever since I started gambling, I've actually wanted to bring glory to my ancestors and earn back the hundred-plus acres of land my father lost. Those days, when my father asked me what I was doing in the city, I told him,

“现在不鬼混啦，我在做生意。”

"I'm not doing that anymore, I'm doing business."

　　他问：“做什么生意？”

He asked, "What kind of business?"

他一听就火了，他年轻时也这么回答过我爷爷。他知道我是在赌博，脱下布鞋就朝我打来，我左躲右藏，心想他打几下就该完了吧。可我这个平常只有咳嗽才有力气的爹，竟然越打越凶了。我又不是一只苍蝇，让他这么拍来拍去。我一把捏住他的手，说道：

He immediately flew into a rage; he'd given my grandfather the same answer when he was young. He knew I was gambling, and he took off his cloth shoe and started hitting me. I dodged left and right, thinking he'd be done with it after a few hits. But my father, who usually only had the strength to cough, got even fiercer. I wasn't a fly to be swatted around like that. I grabbed his hand and said,

“爹，你他娘的算了吧。老子看在你把我弄出来的份上让让你，你他娘的就算了吧。”

"Dad, just give up, you son of a bitch. I'm letting you off the hook because you got me out of here, just give up the hell."

　　我捏住爹的右手，他又用左手脱下右脚的布鞋，还想打我。我又捏住他的左手，这样他就动弹不得了，他气得哆嗦了半晌，才喊出一声：

I grabbed my father's right hand, and he used his left hand to take off his right cloth shoe, trying to hit me again. I grabbed his left hand, immobilizing him. He trembled with anger for a long time before finally shouting:

“孽子。”

"You unfilial son!"

我说：“去你娘的。”

I said, "Go to hell!"

双手一推，他就跌坐到墙角里去了。

I pushed him away with both hands, and he fell to the corner of the wall.

　　余华，男，汉族，1960年4月3日出生于浙江省杭州市，浙江嘉兴人，祖籍山东高唐，澳门城市大学荣誉博士，澳门城市大学教授，中国当代作家，中国作家协会委员会委员。北京师范大学教授。

Yu Hua, male, Han nationality, born on April 3, 1960, in Hangzhou, Zhejiang Province, with ancestral roots in Jiaxing, Zhejiang Province and Gaotang, Shandong Province, holds an honorary doctorate from City University of Macau, is a professor at City University of Macau, a contemporary Chinese writer, a member of the China Writers Association Committee, and a professor at Beijing Normal University.