诗人曰：给予你记忆之人最终也只剩记忆

海外文苑

汉译；佩英（Translated by Christine Chen）

纽约【综合新闻】840期
主编：佩英
总顾问：马华胜
总编：程朗

阿西高·昂泽姆（Asigau Onzem）来自巴布亚新几内亚米尔恩湾省拉达瓦，诗人兼创作者。自2020年起写诗，作品关注社会议题、自我价值、自然与不公，也描绘生活的静谧。他以写作为力量，直面沉默与痛苦，愿读者因文字而被看见与鼓舞。

成真一刻

无人教你如何存在，
生命只是弯曲、扭转，继而轻轻旋舞。
镜子以谜语低语，却无人能懂，
它的表面，掩藏着卷发下的真相。
一两年间，
瞬息已变，不可重温。
喧嚣被静默替代，
寂静在云下久久盘桓。
我已活过，还是仍在活着？
人们说，信念便是证明。
我在空气中搜寻，真理却从未降落，
只用一只不稳的手，紧抓希望。
喧哗褪去，我心仍辩驳：
什么值得承受，什么化作命运。
我屏住呼吸，倾听柔软的寂静，
在起落之间，找到自己。
挣扎是真实的——痛苦与收获。
其乐声流淌在我的肌肉与血管。
生命只是弯曲、扭转，继而轻轻旋舞，
然而恩典终会在纷乱之间找到归宿。
命运未明，裹着螺母与螺栓，
常使我眼中满是久经时光的盐水。
是的，无人教你如何存在，
只留下一地破碎的“成为”。
在这宏大的竞逐中，悔恨显得渺小，
时钟计时，却鲜少显露面孔。
我追逐消逝之物，学会守护留下的，
将觅得的真理种植在时间顺从的土壤中。
前方，是曲折的路。
步伐踉跄，然心志已播。
我标记每一次转弯，时间开始描摹，
这是我的行走——我的步伐，我的竞逐。
镜子以谜语低语，却无人能懂，
而真相藏在内心的恳求中。
起点定义并铺就终点，
每一道裂缝，都是我守护的选择。
无人教你如何存在——的确如此。
正如你需要黑暗，才能看见光。
正如在寂静中，你发现了自己的呐喊。
从彼时到此刻——你终于，成为了你自己。

The Moment of Becoming

No one prepares you on how to be
Life simply bends and twists then gently swirls
The mirror speaks in riddles no one sees
Its surface hides the truth beneath soft curls
A year or two from now to then
Moments change never to be lived again
The hush replaces voices once so loud
There silence lingers underneath the cloud
Have I lived or am I still living
The proof, they say, is found in just believing
I search the air for truths that never land
Grasping hope with just one uncertain hand
The noise recedes, but still my heart debates
What’s worth the weight, and what dissolves as fates
I hold my breath where silence softly calls
And find myself beyond the rise and falls
The struggle is real the pain - the gains
Its music flows in my muscles and veins
Life simply bends and twists then gently swirls
Still grace will find a place between the whirls
An untelling fate wrapped with nuts and bolts
That often leave my eyes in seasoned salts
Yes, no one prepares you on how to be
Just fragments of becoming left to me
Regrets are petty in this grand race
The clock keeps time but rarely shows its face
I chase what fades, then learn to hold what stays
Planting my found truths in soil that time obeys
Ahead I am aware of a tangled road
My steps uncertain, yet my purpose sowed
I mark the bends and time begins to trace
This is my walk—my pace, my race
The mirror speaks in riddles no one sees
Decode the truths from inner pleas
My start defines and paves my end
Every crack, a choice I will defend
No one prepares you on how to be—that is true
Like needing the darkness to see your light
Like in the stillness of silence you find your roar
And from then to now, you have finally become

时光之沙

当我们开始时，并未看见终点——
笑声太响，
手离得太近，
心太敞开，易碎。
时间最初轻轻流淌，
在交会的目光里，
在口袋里珍藏的言语里，
在彼此相知的安然里。
我们建起小小的世界——
心照不宣的玩笑，
无声的承诺，
片刻交织，如同肌肤缝合。
然而缓慢的瓦解，总是
静静开始——
一个被遗忘的电话，
一瞥渐淡的目光，
一扇缓缓合上的门。
距离像苔藓般滋生，
缓慢而青绿，
覆盖曾经
如日光下的金辉般闪耀的东西。
你说得更少，
我听得更少。
空气因我们未曾说出口的话而凝重，
因我们找不到修复的语言而沉默。
某一天，
毫无预兆，
你的声音成了我几乎记不起的声响。
你的脸庞边缘渐渐模糊。
我紧抓住零散的片段——
一次触碰，
一首歌，
你曾叫我名字时，那份意义。
然而记忆滑溜——
它褪色，它变形，
它只留下鬼影，
在人们曾经站立的地方。
而世间最悲伤的事，
莫过于——
那个曾给予你记忆的人，
最终自己
也只剩下记忆。

Sands of Time

We don’t see the ending when we begin—
laughter too loud,
hands too close,
hearts too open to break.
Time moves softly at first,
in shared glances,
in words kept in pockets,
in the easy knowing of being known.
We build little worlds—
inside jokes,
silent promises,
moments stitched together like skin.
But the slow undoing always starts
quiet—
a forgotten call,
a fading glance,
a closing door.
Distance grows like moss,
slow and green,
covering what once
shone like gold in the sun.
You speak less.
I hear less.
The air thickens with all we don’t say,
all we can’t find the words to fix.
One day,
without warning,
your voice is a sound I barely remember.
Your face blurs at the edges.
I hold onto fragments—
a touch,
a song,
the way you once said my name like it mattered.
But memory is slippery—
it fades, it shifts,
it leaves behind ghosts
where people used to stand.
And the saddest thing in the world
is when the one who gave you memories
becomes nothing more
than a memory themselves.

存在

在淤青与茧之间，
你会找到我——
在改变、在觉知、
学着如何隐藏。
在漫长的容忍叹息与残余的平静之间，
我在收集碎片，
将自己重新缝合。
智慧缓缓酝酿，
在静默之处，
未曾言说，未曾显露，
小心翼翼地掌握。
我在无人注视的地方疗愈，
原谅那些太沉重无法承受的，
重新去爱我曾以为失去的，
不再憎恨镜中的面容。
我用破碎筑桥，
跨越伤疤，
铺下石块，
为那些曾离去的人留下路。
苦与甜并存，
我尝尽两者——
疼痛与柔软，
刺痛与慰藉。
这并不容易。
药丸卡喉，
吞咽艰难——
我仍然服下。
在破碎与修复之间，
柔软开始萌生——
一口呼吸，一道裂隙，
一丝“成为”。
我仍在学习如何停留，
如何承载一切而不崩塌，
如何背负重量而不被埋没。
在伤痛与希望之间，
我存在。
不全然完整，也未消逝——
但仍在这里。

Being

Somewhere between the bruises and the callouses,
you’ll find me—
changing, knowing,
learning how to hide.
Somewhere between the long sighs of tolerance
and the sifted remains of peace,
I’m gathering pieces,
threading myself back together.
Wisdom brews slow,
in quiet places,
untold, unseen,
held with careful hands.
I’m healing where no one looks,
forgiving what’s too heavy to hold,
reloving what I thought was lost,
unhating the face in the mirror.
I’m building bridges out of broken things,
crossing over scars,
laying stones
where others walked away.
The bitter sits with the sweet,
I taste them both—
the ache and the softness,
the sting and the balm.
It isn’t easy.
The pill catches,
the swallow sticks—
I take it anyway.
In the middle of breaking and mending,
something soft begins—
a breath, a crack,
a sliver of becoming.
I’m still learning how to stay,
how to carry it all without folding,
how to wear the weight
without letting it bury me.
Somewhere there, between hurt and hope,
I am.
Not quite whole, not quite gone—
but still here.

我内心的庇护所

我是陌生人，行走在异乡——
每一次呼吸，带盐，生涩，几近被禁止。
我的骨骼越过边界，却无权停留，
孤独如难民，在肌肤里，在陌生的夜里漂泊。
我是谁？我将成为什么？
名字在记忆中无声。
借来的呼吸，借来的恩典，
我仍是虚影，学着寻找归属。
我的叹息被计数，被岁月囚禁，
求自由的呼喊，在警戒的耳边落空。
这是我想成为的自己吗？
还是因恐惧而被浅尝辄止的梦？
我是陌生人，在更陌生的躯壳里，
错位，流离，无人可诉。
我是否已摆脱所有逃避？
还是被迫在自我间徘徊？
我是陌生人，行走在异乡——
只渴望属于，渴望理解。
但边界模糊了曾熟悉的声音，
希望显得遥远、破碎，而我，只是……路过。

The Asylum in Me

I am a stranger, in a walking foreign land—
Each breath - salted, raw, and close to banned.
My bones are borders crossed without a right,
A refugee alone in skin and an alienated night.
Who am I to be what becomes of me?
A name unspoken in my memory.
With borrowed breath and borrowed grace,
A figment still learning how to find its place.
My sighs are counted, jailed in passing years
Pleas to be free fall deaf on guarded ears
Is this the version of me I want to be?
Or just a skimmed dream withheld too fearfully
I am a stranger, in an even stranger shell
Misplaced, displaced with no one left to tell
Am I free from all I flee from still?
Or circling through myself against my will?
I am a stranger, in a walking foreign land—
Wanting only to belong, to understand
But borders blur the voices I once knew
And hope feels distant, fractured, and I'm just ... passing through

诗歌赏析：

阿西高·昂泽姆的四首诗——《成真一刻》《时光之沙》《存在》《我内心的庇护所》——探讨了自我、记忆与归属的脆弱而多变的心理景观。它们描绘了从身份的展开，到关系的失落，再到自我修复与内在庇护的追寻。诗中语言充满身体感与时间感的意象，展现了破碎、韧性与静默的坚持。诗篇在内省与抒情叙事之间徘徊，将内心世界呈现为战场亦是避难所。脆弱与勇气交织，昂泽姆在诗中冥想存在、承受与行进的不确定道路，呈现出对人类脆弱与坚韧的温柔而不妥协的反思。（佩英）

Editorials:

Asigau Onzem’s four poems—The Moment of Becoming, Sands of Time, Being, and The Asylum in Me—explore the fragile, shifting landscapes of selfhood, memory, and belonging. They move from the unfolding of identity to relational loss, self-repair, and the search for sanctuary within. Language pulses with corporeal and temporal imagery, capturing fracture, resilience, and quiet endurance. The poems linger between introspection and lyric narrative, rendering inner life as both battleground and refuge. Vulnerability and courage coexist, as Onzem meditates on becoming, sustaining, and navigating the uncertain terrain of existence, offering readers a tender yet unflinching reflection on human fragility and persistence.(By Christine Chen)

阿娜塞妮·拉索瓦卡·塔卡(Anaseini Rasowaqa Taka)

斐济诗人、学校图书管理员。任职于学校图书馆，致力于学生信息与阅读推广。担任Selfless-Fiji秘书及“声音”写作平台负责人，活跃于法国、印尼使馆等舞台及诗歌朗诵会。现与亚洲基金会合作新书，并为斐济艺术理事会旗下VAVA理事。

铃铃

铃铃——
手机响起，
“你好，求助热线。”
有人接起电话。
“我……呃……我……”
我的大脑这样结结巴巴地说。
哎呀，
我按下了挂断键，
一滑，电话消失。
铃铃——
它又响了。
我的心，
再次不规律地跳动。
这一次，我能做到吗？
我能否终于说出口？
铃铃——
它在房间里回荡。
“你好！求助热……”
话音还未落，线路断了。
一次又一次——
第二次已经够了吧？
我想。
够了，
我告诉自己。
我努力过，
是的，我真的努力过。
唉，
这需要时间。
铃铃——
第三次。
铃铃——
我的心开始狂跳。
铃铃——
心里却希望
没人接听。
铃铃——
“你好！求助热……”
我再次挂断。
放下手机，
泪眼婆娑，
心里想——
我能否熬得过去？
喉咙的干涩，
胸口的沉重，
难以忍受。
谁能忍受？
我最后看了手机一眼，
拭去泪水，
关掉了灯。
侧身躺下，
哭到思绪麻木，
直到大脑再也承受不住。
而那——
并不是一个
“晚安”。

Ring Ring

Ring Ring
Goes my phone
Hello helpline
Answered the call
I uuhmm
I uuhhmmmmm
I...
Says my brain
Oooppps
Pressed the end line
I swiped away
Ring ring
It goes again
My heart beating
Abnormally again
Will I do it this time
Will I finnally open up
Ring ring
It echoes in the room now
Hello!Helpline
Than the line dies
One more time
Two time is enough
I thought to myself
I feel like it's enough
I say to myself
I tried
I did
Oh bother
This will take awhile
Ring ring
For the third time
Ring ring
My heart begins to rise
Ring ring
Hoping no one
would answer the line
Ring ring
Hello!Helpli. . .
I end the line
I put my phone down
With teary eyes
Thinking to myself
Would I ever survive
The dryness of my throat
The heaviness of my chest
Unbearable
Who can bare them
I looked at my phone
One last time
Wiped my tears off
And turned of the light
I turned on my side
And began to cry
Till my mind has had enough
And that
Was not a Goodnight

破碎的滴答

心脏——
那最柔软的部分。
怎能有人
笑着说：
“我要把它弄碎”，
然后转身离去。
那条输送血液的脉管，
那承载情感的血管，
如今被撕裂。
啧啧啧，
只散发着
悲伤的气息。
它的形状——
已然扭曲。
笑容，
还能诞生吗？
从一颗
斜斜歪歪的心里。
让我们用胶带粘起，
看看能否固定，
还是
早已松散？
从未被聆听，
却总受折磨。
一颗心，
还能活到百岁吗？
若它诉说的，
只是长久的
不快乐。
我们该去往何处，
为一颗心疗伤？
那仍在泵动血液的心。
而我的血型——
此刻已无用。
我只能笑着问：
可有人
能治愈我吗？

Broken Tick

The Heart
the softest of parts
how can someone
laugh and say
Im breaking it
and runs

the vein that pumps the blood
the vessel that carries
our emotions
all torn apart
tsk tsk tsk
it reaks of
sadness now

It’s shape
Deformed now
Can a smile
Be born
From a
Crooked heart
Let’s tape it up
And see
If it sticks
Or is it loose Now

Never heard
Always tormented
Can a heart
Live to a hundred
If it speaks of
Unhappiness
Foe a while now

Where can we go
And heal a heart
That pumps of blood
My Blood type
Is of no use now
I’ll just smile
And ask
Can anyone
Heal me up

我的大脑

呃啊——
你们听见了吗？
我脑海里的对话，
嘈杂到回荡，
却又空洞得发凉。
黑暗中，
念头徘徊，
宛如魔鬼。
我战栗，
荆棘般的思绪
刺痛我的心，
裂成两半。
这些声音令我麻木，
这扑面而来的念头
我却无法触碰。
等等，
更糟的还在后面。
焦虑与抑郁——
你是否听说过
这两个词？
坦白讲，
它们主宰着我的世界。
我的大脑竟开始相信：
拥有它们就是救赎。
可救我于谁？
救我于何？
它们所做的一切，
只是将我的爱
化为尘埃。
我的心智
还想要什么？
满足于何？
如果我能按下暂停键，
我会带着微笑
欣然去做。
可这并不容易，
要屏蔽一切
只专注于自己。
因为我试过，一次次试过，
却一次次失败。
我总是蜷缩进被窝，
蜷成一团，
无声地哭泣。
就是这样——
越沉重的言语
涌入我的脑海，
我的身体与灵魂
便像船一样沉没。
心若受伤，
一切皆崩塌。
我希望你能理解：
我的大脑，
对所有人都是陌生的。
如果你和我一样，
请听我说——
你并不孤单。
因为，嘿——
也许这只是
注意力缺陷多动症吧。
我想。

MY MIND

Urrgggghhh
Can you all hear that
The conversation in my head
So loud it echoes
So empty it feels
So dark
thoughts lingers
Like the devil
I shivered
So thorny
It pierced my heart
In to two
These voices makes me numb
This overwhelming thoughts
That I can't touch
But wait
It gets worse
Anxiety and depression
Have you ever
Heard of those two words
Well to be honest
They do rule my world
My mind has come to an understanding
That having these two would save me
Save me from who
Save me from what
All it ever does
Is turning my love into dust
What more do my mind want
A satisfaction of what
If I could pause my mind for awhile
I would gladly do so with a smile
But it's not easy you see
Blocking everything out
And focus on me
Coz I've tried and I've tried
And I had failed so many times
I always crawl up to bed
Balled up in a corner
I would silently cry
It's like this you see
The heavier the words
My mind receive
My body and my soul
Sinks like a ship
If one is affected
Than all must fall
I hope you get an understanding
That my mind
is a stranger to all
If you're like me
Then hear this
You're not alone
Coz hey
It's just ADHD
I THINK

诗歌赏析：

阿娜塞妮·拉索瓦卡·塔卡(Anaseini Rasowaqa Taka)这三首诗《铃铃 Ring Ring》《破碎的滴答 Broken Tick》《我的大脑 My Mind》形成了一个完整的心理困境与自我挣扎三部曲。它们共同聚焦于抑郁、焦虑与孤独的精神体验，但表现方式各具侧重，既有直白的自述，也有隐喻的描摹。三首诗从行动困境（求助热线）→ 情感撕裂（心脏意象）→ 思维囚笼（大脑自白），构成了一个逐步深入的心理图景。它们的语言直白、情绪浓烈，善用重复（“铃铃”“啧啧啧”“呃啊”）和身体意象（心脏、大脑、胸口）来传达抑郁症患者的痛苦与挣扎。整体而言，这三首诗不仅具有自我袒露的勇气，也兼具呼喊的力量，是一组既私人又公共的心理诗歌文本，能够引发广泛共鸣。（佩英）

Editorials：

Anaseini Rasowaqa Taka’s Ring Ring, Broken Tick, and My Mind form a triptych exploring psychological struggle and inner conflict. Focusing on depression, anxiety, and loneliness, the poems progress from action paralysis (the unanswered hotline), to emotional rupture (the heart as torn image), to the prison of thought (the brain’s self-address), creating a layered psychological landscape. The language is immediate and emotionally charged, employing repetition (“ring ring,” “tsk tsk tsk,” “uhh”) and corporeal imagery (heart, brain, chest) to convey the intensity of mental distress. The first poem dramatizes the tension between seeking help and fear of exposure; the second transforms the heart into a symbol of emotional fragmentation; the third offers introspective monologue and fragile hope. Collectively, the poems combine candid self-revelation with a forceful expressive voice, producing a body of work that is both intimate and socially resonant, inviting readers to engage empathetically with mental health experiences.（By Christine Chen）