1.西江月·抗战胜利八十一周年<br data-filtered="filtered">许根明（河南）<br data-filtered="filtered"> 烽火卢沟晓月，硝烟永定惊鸿。山河百战血凝空，莫忘当年深痛。<br data-filtered="filtered"> 铁甲曾驱寇虏，旌旗终卷长风。今朝砺剑守苍穹，岂许金瓯再动。<div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑但宁点评】 选取卢沟桥、永定河标志性意象，追忆烽火岁月，抒发守土卫国的家国情怀，立意庄重，结句铿锵有力。唯“惊鸿”一词多用于描摹轻盈姿态，置于战火场景意象略有违和，个别词句可进一步打磨。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">2.〔双调•拨不断〕秋日荷塘（通韵）<br data-filtered="filtered">郝好（高宝霞）<br data-filtered="filtered">露凝苍，水添凉，一行野鹜云天向，满目秋荷清梦藏，丝丝垂柳西风漾，（平滩边）渔舟荡浪。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑但宁点评】 散曲清新灵动，由寒露、凉水铺陈秋塘底色，野鹜、残荷、垂柳、渔舟次第入笔，动静相生，秋野闲适意境扑面而来，曲味自然流畅。“露凝苍”三字略简，表意稍模糊。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">3.七绝·闲逸<br data-filtered="filtered">雒少华<br data-filtered="filtered">幽篁簃阁一窗秋，雁阵排空字写愁。<br data-filtered="filtered">信步炊烟涂棹影，风梳波叠大江流。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑但宁点评】 造境开阔，炼字见巧，“涂”“梳”二字以拟人笔法写江天秋景，颇具新意。但次句“字写愁”含凄婉之情，与标题《闲逸》的安闲基调略有冲突，情调未能统一。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>4.七绝·咏白露（二首）<br data-filtered="filtered">瑞雪（王廷瑞）<br data-filtered="filtered">（一）<br data-filtered="filtered">季换天时秋月朗，风和气爽入心房。<br data-filtered="filtered">湖荷夜里凝清露，最美诗文咏故乡。<br data-filtered="filtered">（二）<br data-filtered="filtered">蒹葭凝露喜衣裳，月影清霜映水塘。<br data-filtered="filtered">多彩风和秋色美，闲寻乐趣品茶香。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>【编辑但宁点评】 化用蒹葭白露经典意象，景趣相融，写出秋日品茶之悠然。“喜衣裳”造语生涩；题为咏白露，次句写霜，物象细节略有出入。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>5.临江仙•白露（贺铸体）<br data-filtered="filtered">张清彬（辽宁）<br data-filtered="filtered">清露一宵凝浅陌，萧萧染尽疏林。繁红褪却换寒金。月华侵远岫，风意入孤襟。<br data-filtered="filtered"> 世事荣枯皆有数，何须嗟叹浮沉。闲观万物自闲吟。心澄尘虑少，岁晚识浓深。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>【编辑但宁点评】 情景理浑然一体，上片绘白露疏林、月照远山之秋景，清寂淡远；下片由草木荣枯生发人生感悟，格调旷达，守谱合规，结句略显抽象。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>6.七律•长征胜利九十周年感怀（新韵）<br data-filtered="filtered">王智林<br data-filtered="filtered">铁流万里破重关，四渡神机敌胆寒。<br data-filtered="filtered">浪卷金沙离险隘，桥横铁索历危艰。<br data-filtered="filtered">雪山踏尽旌旗壮，草地回旋意志坚。<br data-filtered="filtered">九秩追怀英烈事，长征浩气照尘寰。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>【编辑但宁点评】 章法工整，选取长征经典事件铺叙，对仗稳妥，正气昂扬，契合纪念主题。所用意象，缺少个性化新意。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>7.七律·省博一角<br data-filtered="filtered">夏玉秋<br data-filtered="filtered">沈水悠悠藏古韵，陆游挥墨自书诗。<br data-filtered="filtered">色柔浓淡字舒展，神合浅深文见知。<br data-filtered="filtered">退隐林泉情未已，清芬竹帛友犹迟。<br data-filtered="filtered">田园喟叹悲零落，梦绕当年壮志思。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>【编辑但宁点评】 取材新颖，写观辽博陆游书法展品，由墨迹追索诗人壮志，构思别致。中二联对仗偏弱，“友犹迟”句意晦涩，炼句仍有打磨余地。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>8.唐多令•田园风光<div>王怀尧 <br data-filtered="filtered">稻穗秀金黄。蝶翔觅蕊香。硕果悬、点缀村乡。地里高粱红颊笑，观莲蕊、正芬芳。<br data-filtered="filtered">农户趁新凉，田间日日忙。盼秋来、囤满丰粮。双手勤劳描锦绣，歌起处、是康庄。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>【编辑但宁点评】 乡土气息浓郁，以拟人笔法绘秋日田园丰收图景，写农人劳作与对美好生活的期盼，画面鲜活明快。语言通俗，含蓄蕴藉之感稍欠。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>9.赫安泽组诗20首“咏荷”（通韵）十五 </div><div>飘香十里覆云 妆， 八月湖光引客 狂。 </div><div>恰趁风前舒万 态， 千家帘外酒添 芳。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑李继红点评】作品格律准确，意境明朗，气象开阔，语言简练传神。感谢赐稿！</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">10.五律·咏白露<br data-filtered="filtered">王怀尧<br data-filtered="filtered">叶欲秀金黃，秋花胜海棠。<br data-filtered="filtered">春深输以彩，冬浅逊其芳。<br data-filtered="filtered">紫燕忘回首，青蛙入梦乡。<br data-filtered="filtered">枝头垂露滴，顿觉有淸凉。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑李继红点评】作品格律准确，对仗工稳，用对比的手法烘托秋色，画面感强烈，尾联收束自然。感谢赐稿！</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">11. 白露有怀<br data-filtered="filtered">李杰<br data-filtered="filtered">一夜清霜换物华，金风淡淡入千家。<br data-filtered="filtered">阶前白露凝还散，天际征鸿近复遐。<br data-filtered="filtered">渐觉新凉侵客袖，闲看落日覆汀沙。<br data-filtered="filtered">流年又遇秋如许，漫把幽怀寄晚茶。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑李继红点评】作品格律准确，对仗工稳，情景交融，画面由近到远，由动到静；练字精妙，尾联收束自然。感谢赐稿！</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">12.七绝·闲逸<br data-filtered="filtered">雒少华<br data-filtered="filtered">幽篁簃阁一窗秋，雁阵排空字写愁。<br data-filtered="filtered">信步炊烟涂棹影，风梳波远接天流。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>【编辑李继红点评】作品格律准确，语言凝练，风格清逸，画面精美，句句有画面，后两句“炊烟涂棹影”“风梳波远”以拟人手法写景，空灵生动。感谢赐稿！<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>13.徐英兰（辽宁）<br data-filtered="filtered">〔双调·水仙子〕白露<br data-filtered="filtered">浑河露冷浸汀沙，龙岭风清扫叶芽，故宫月近穿帘瓦。秋光入万家，枝头甜枣初夸。斟新酒，对晚霞，醉了黄花。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑李继红点评】作品格律准确，前三句鼎足对，浑河、龙岭、故宫，把沈阳地标写进去，有地域特色，气象宏大。末三句以新酒、晚霞、黄花收束，烟火感十足，酣畅洒脱。感谢赐稿！</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">14.鹧鸪天·秋寄<br data-filtered="filtered">李杰<br data-filtered="filtered"> 草木霜清梧叶秋。楼台日暮桂香浮。 枫笺欲寄云中雁，荷盏空擎月下舟。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"> 思杳杳，念悠悠。人生若寄更何求？ 心平不计荣枯事，澹月疏风一梦收。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑李继红点评】作品格律准确，语言凝练，意象优美。上阕写景：梧桐、桂香、鸿雁、残荷，秋意浓郁；下阕转入人生感悟，看淡荣枯，心境平和旷达，结句以景收情。感谢赐稿！</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">15.白露</div><div>刘龙文<br data-filtered="filtered">云淡天高风送爽，翩翩鸿雁向南翔。<br data-filtered="filtered">满山硕果枝头荡，遍野金波稻谷黄。<br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑李继红点评】作品格律准确，通篇铺陈写景，语言明快，色彩鲜明，写白露丰收景象。感谢赐稿！<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered">16.南歌子·白露<br data-filtered="filtered">期盼<br data-filtered="filtered">露染秋光淡，风摇松影斜。闲庭悠坐数归鸦。一盏新茶漫煮、好年华。<br data-filtered="filtered">雁过天如水，云开月似纱。此间飘味最清嘉。莫问明朝冷起、落霜花。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑李继红点评】作品格律准确，意境空灵，炼字精妙，清雅闲适，意境淡远。上下阕对仗起句：“露染秋光淡，风摇松影斜”“雁过天如水，云开月似纱”，字句清丽，画面感强烈。结句“莫问明朝冷起、落霜花”：收束有力，余味悠长。感谢赐稿！</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">17.七律·辽宁省博物館观感(通韵)<br data-filtered="filtered">雷振民<br data-filtered="filtered">悠闲漫览泛思量，怀古幽情意志昂。<br data-filtered="filtered">个𠆤展厅生瑞气，宗宗陈列闪金光。<br data-filtered="filtered">珍藏无数催发奋，盛宴一席厉自强。<br data-filtered="filtered">辽沈乐园花绽放，远朋近友喜心房。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑天瑶点评】以通韵检测合律，该七律以起承转合的手法写的中规中矩， 脉络清晰：观览见物，感悟抒怀，层次很顺，读来一气贯通，适合展馆题咏。厉字是否为励？个字也属于笔误。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">18.七律·秋收即景（新韵）<br data-filtered="filtered">贾季春<br data-filtered="filtered">金风染露润田畴，黍稷堆原豁醉眸。<br data-filtered="filtered">镰动晨曦挥汗洒，机喧夕照伴云收。<br data-filtered="filtered">千仓玉满民丰乐，万廪银盈岁稔酬。<br data-filtered="filtered">莫道秋光多胜事，勤耕乃获此宸游。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑天瑶点评】宸游，帝王之巡游。在此稍有异议吧。千仓和万廪均指粮仓，可以换个角度。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">19.七律·秋溪垂钓<br data-filtered="filtered">鄢一丹<br data-filtered="filtered">晨雾秋荷浅浅沙，溪流转处几农家。<br data-filtered="filtered">鱼游濠上追云影，叟坐矶旁浥露华。<br data-filtered="filtered">甘饵徐投天镜破，纤纶缓曳叶舟斜。<br data-filtered="filtered">一竿风月一壶酒，日暮携回半篓霞。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑天瑶点评】这首七律律工韵合，中二联对仗工整，整首诗的画面感很强，像一个缓缓推进的镜头，把垂钓于秋溪的景色一帧帧的展现眼前。钓回的是一竿风月半蒌晚霞的心境。感谢赐稿！</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">20.农村新秋景<br data-filtered="filtered">刘文臣（河北）<br data-filtered="filtered">软风牵过野塘洼，植保轻机掠浅沙。<br data-filtered="filtered">玉黍熟时香满院，一坡晴日晒棉花。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑天瑶点评】一副秋景写的层次分明，画面鲜活，丰收的气息扑面而来，以景抒情，很有味道。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">21.鹧鸪天· 观省博《虢国夫人游春图》<br data-filtered="filtered">徐英兰<br data-filtered="filtered">穿越千年散墨香，游春八骑入眸光。<br data-filtered="filtered">罗裙飘逸呈华贵，鞍辔雍容载瑞祥。<br data-filtered="filtered">描艳丽，写苍茫，盛唐妙笔意悠长。<br data-filtered="filtered">空灵一片炊烟软，尽在丹青尺幅藏。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑天瑶点评】双调五十五字，前段四句三平韵，后段五句三平韵，词格准确。人物衣袂、骏马配饰烘托游春的氛围，作者抓住了画面最突出的特征；一片炊烟似乎以虚衬实，意境空灵。问候作者！</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">22.教师颂<br data-filtered="filtered">曹永玲<br data-filtered="filtered">三尺文台芳序长，一支粉笔写沧桑。<br data-filtered="filtered">春蚕吐尽千丝暖，蜡炬燃成万缕光。<br data-filtered="filtered">解惑不辞梢挂露，传薪何惧鬓生霜。<br data-filtered="filtered">满园桃李馨香溢，我自安然守故乡。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑天瑶点评】这首七律格律准确，中二联对仗工整，颔联化用经典把教师的奉献精神具象化的描写，感染力很强。三尺讲台，一支粉笔孕育出满园桃李，致敬淡泊名利安然守乡的老师！</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">23.七绝·沈阳白露日即景(通韵）<br data-filtered="filtered">张东升<br data-filtered="filtered">朝云舒卷北风凉，午后萧萧雨叩窗。<br data-filtered="filtered">叶落纷繁惊逆旅，薄衫犹怯晚来霜。<br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑天瑶点评】以通韵检测合律，应景之作按一日的时间顺序写出了白露日的清凉感，叩、惊、怯等动词运用的恰到好处。尤其一个惊字，让人不由自主的打了个激灵，余味悠长。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">24.七律·白露<br data-filtered="filtered">夏玉秋<br data-filtered="filtered">云怒天低霜气微，长空逐日雁南依。<br data-filtered="filtered">凉风户外摇千树，傲菊篱边绕四围。<br data-filtered="filtered">落叶山深随水去，收禾地远暮烟稀。<br data-filtered="filtered">田家稻熟含秋露，也醉窗前待月辉。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑天瑶点评】起笔有力，拉开了秋景辽阔苍茫的大背景，凉风、傲菊、落叶、收禾，中二联移步换景，远近铺陈，意境清远，尾联没有丰收的喧嚣庆贺，而是以恬淡安然的情绪收束，也很让人回味。只是中二联的前四字的结构太过于统一，个见！<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered">25.临江仙·白露感怀<br data-filtered="filtered">李杰<br data-filtered="filtered">瑟瑟蒹葭霜重，翩翩枫火相迎。长空飞雁破云行。世途原莫测，心迹岂须凭。<br data-filtered="filtered">半卷残诗忆旧，无边秋水空明。露华今夜为谁凝？风摇千苇雪，月澹满江声。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑刁宁点评】作品景情相融，紧扣白露物候。蒹葭霜重、雁破长天，起笔便渲染清秋萧瑟之境。上片由景入理，叹世途莫测，抒淡泊自持之怀。下片忆旧寄慨，秋水、露华、苇雪、江月，意象清泠幽远。结句以景收束，余韵悠然，格调清雅，情景浑然一体。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">26.七绝·白露<br data-filtered="filtered">曲毅平<br data-filtered="filtered">野草荣枯遍举黄，凉风起念露秋霜。<br data-filtered="filtered">远峰初觉林萧瑟，虫语鸣悲雁影忙。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑刁宁点评】作品紧扣白露节令，选取衰草、凉风、秋霜、远峰、鸣虫、归雁诸多秋日物象，铺染清秋萧瑟氛围。由郊原写到远山，视听交织，层次分明。“虫语鸣悲雁影忙”一句，以虫鸣雁飞摹写时序流转，情景相生。全诗质朴平实，描摹白露物候真切，寄寓时序迁逝之感，唯个别字句炼字尚有打磨空间。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">27.破阵子·百团大战<br data-filtered="filtered">雷雳 <br data-filtered="filtered">怒掣风雷破路，雄挥旌旆横烟。百旅驰来摧据点，千里烽声震北燕。长缨救倒悬。<br data-filtered="filtered">碧血匡扶禹甸，赤心固守河山。敢以坚躯惊敌胆，永把英标载简编。高芬世代传。<br data-filtered="filtered"><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>【编辑刁宁点评】作品笔力雄健，气势昂扬。上片铺叙战事，破路摧点，烽震北燕，勾勒出八路军奋勇杀敌的壮阔战场。下片缅怀英烈，颂碧血丹心，盛赞将士以身御敌的家国大义。全篇刚劲慷慨，紧扣史实，格调沉雄，叙事与抒怀结合紧密，结句咏叹英魂流芳，寄寓传承红色精神之旨，读来令人感奋。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">28.〔中吕·山坡羊〕观辽宁古生物博物馆<br data-filtered="filtered">雷雳<br data-filtered="filtered">岩层沉葬，遐年留相，虬鳞远迹千秋旷。秀葩扬，彩纹彰，荒畴旧迹笺中状，万古沧澜凝画栋上。鳞，梦已往；芒，史未央。<br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑刁宁点评】作品起句扣岩层化石，追溯远古洪荒，将亿载演化凝于馆舍之间。“秀葩扬，彩纹彰”摹化石形貌，把荒古遗迹化作眼前图景。以鳞归旧梦、史韵绵长收束，怀古咏思，短小精悍。曲辞简古，情景相融，读来余味悠远。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">29.西江月•田园秋趣<br data-filtered="filtered">张淑艳<br data-filtered="filtered">垄上金波翻穗，篱边丹柿垂灯。风牵稻浪过田塍，惊起蛙声乍迸。<br data-filtered="filtered">竹匾椒红堆锦，荆筐梨白凝冰。老农笑指谷仓盈，醉了满坡秋兴。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">【编辑刁宁点评】作品绘农家秋收实景，画面鲜活可喜。上片写田野风光，稻浪翻涌，柿垂如灯，晚风惊蛙，动静相生。下片转入场院，椒红梨白，色彩明丽，末句借老农笑指仓盈，点出丰收之喜。全词语言浅丽，描摹细腻，声色形色兼备，满溢乡土烟火气息，秋趣盎然，喜乐之情跃然纸上。</div><div><br data-filtered="filtered">30.五律·白露<br data-filtered="filtered"> 张勇<br data-filtered="filtered">露浥平芜冷，霜痕映浅沙。<br data-filtered="filtered">风飘黄叶乱，水漾野塘斜。<br data-filtered="filtered">暗霭笼清素，寒蛩噪暮家。<br data-filtered="filtered">秋光随节至，闲看一川霞。<br data-filtered="filtered"></div></div><div><br data-filtered="filtered"></div><div>【编辑刁宁点评】作品描摹白露风物，取景疏淡清雅。首联以露浸平芜、霜映浅沙点出节令清寒。颔联黄叶飘零、塘波荡漾，写景动静相协。颈联暮霭笼罩、寒蛩鸣响，融视听于暮色。尾联顺势抒怀，于时序更迭之中，闲赏川原晚霞。全诗章法稳顺，意象贴合秋时，情景相融，流露安然恬淡的心境。</div>