华夏微型诗社第554期周周发同题作品巜暮望》与《赠言》

微诗工作坊

<p class="ql-block">@所有人</p><p class="ql-block">华夏微型诗社第554期周周发同题创作开始了。</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"> 欢迎诗友们参与微型诗写作！请早日构思打磨！</p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block">备注：</p><p class="ql-block">1、投稿、收稿时间：</p><p class="ql-block">2025年8月12日晚上7点——10点。</p><p class="ql-block">2、每人选投一首微型诗。</p><p class="ql-block">3、请单独发帖，不要自行接龙，由岐麟散人老师统一收稿。</p><p class="ql-block">4、稿件选编到美篇，并由诗社老师予以点评。</p><p class="ql-block">5、本期题目：</p><p class="ql-block">①《暮望》</p><p class="ql-block">②《赠言》</p><p class="ql-block">6.出题老师：昨夜星</p><p class="ql-block">7、交流时可交流两首，投稿时只选投一首，收稿只收一首，点评也只点评一首。</p><p class="ql-block">8.优秀作品推荐“微诗坊”。</p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">顺序1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/小乙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">那页笔迹淡雅如兰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">飘着一缕缕祝福与期待</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岁月里同窗畔有朵勿忘我</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:岁月长河，流水悠悠，彼岸总有一″朵勿忘我″，那是我的同窗，"飘着一缕缕祝福与期待"，难以忘怀，温馨长存！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/钟宛容（广西）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">挖野菜</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">青梅拿来酿酒</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:首行是经历，末行是感悟与人生态度。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/白芷</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">广场上，涌出无数个我</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">向微凉的灯光——</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">讨要忘却，讨要融入</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:广场，喧闹嘈杂，诗人步入此境，心绪突然受到冲激触发，流淌心声:″向微凉的灯光——/讨要忘却，讨要融入"，这里"忘却"与"融入"是一组矛盾体，"讨"总与"欠"相呼应，表达出诗人复杂渴求的心理状态！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/南湖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">只言片语间</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">饱含深情厚谊</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">寄语未来 期待相见</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:"只言片语"表达出心灵相知相通！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文／喜阳柳保宅</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">老师的勉励</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">如人生路上的灯塔</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">引我用知识报社会</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:老师，人类灵魂的工程师！不仅传递知识，而且指引心灵，致敬！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/赵正霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕霞送别那位老者</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">捧起遗留的金钥匙 待开启</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">又一个 黎明</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:思念"那位老者"，继承其遗志，开创未来，立意佳！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/付光渝</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">风拂走最后一声蝉鸣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">芦苇俯仰斜阳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">对岸的灯 替我数着归帆</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赤道雪域简评:秋风阵阵，秋暮泊目，秋意泛起。三行三组意象，前两行兴，末行起，耐品。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">554期</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">顺序2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 文/陈果果</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">云影浸入河心 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">落日洒缕余晖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">透进星子未醒的间隙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 云影、落日、星子，以光影递进勾勒暮色。"浸入""透进"显层次，写出暮之到来，星子"未醒"添静谧，简笔绘出黄昏的朦胧美。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/阳光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">是一句座右铭 激励我越过生活的沟坎</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">风景着自己</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 以"座右铭"喻赠言力量，"越过沟坎"见实效。"风景着自己"留白，巧妙，言明赠言的力量。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/吉新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">眼里生满老茧</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">从前的回忆都很慢</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">故乡的炊烟袅袅，婷婷</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读："眼里生满老茧"道尽沧桑，"回忆都很慢"牵出乡愁。故乡炊烟"袅袅婷婷"，以柔景衬绵长思念，寓情于景，暮望中露深情。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/老妖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">远方 飞机送达暖语</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">挺润心在心中筑基砌墙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">从此生活节奏多了份牵挂</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读：暖语一句三冬暖，诗人的"飞机送达暖语"颇具现代感，二句情感流淌。末份一份牵挂一份情，显示赠言的重要性。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/森林雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">一叶枫，红在了立秋脸上</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">爱情诗笺来了</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">金风这个邮差，真准时</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读：赋予立秋人物化，用红枫表爱情，风为媒，借节气景物写赠言，浪漫又应时。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/丹霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">当年分别</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">你说了好多话</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">现在只有一句 刻在我骨子里</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 今昔对比写出赠言重要性，当年"好多话"与如今"一句刻骨"，极简文字藏厚重，凸显记忆沉淀后的珍贵，也道出诗人的情感。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/康秀炎</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕阳坐在云端</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">把晚归的人影越拉越长</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">山坡上骨碌碌滚落一串鸟鸣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅诗："夕阳坐云端"拟人生动，人影"越拉越长"暗含怅惘与悲悯。末句鸟鸣"骨碌碌滚落"，以声代景，以动破静，徒添野趣。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/张士杰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕阳的最后一枚硬币</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">坠入群山储钱罐</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夜，开始找零</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读："夕阳硬币""群山储钱罐"喻象新奇，"夜找零"用拟人手法承接前面的比喻，将暮色降临写得趣意盎然，望之画面感强。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮 望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 文/晗羲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">母亲殷殷的眼神</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">兜住落日鲜红的一颗心</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">印痕在了时空里</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">岐麟散人浅读：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 母亲眼神"兜住"落日，意象温暖。"印痕在时空"，将母爱与暮色相融，勾起读者的联想，悠悠游子心，款款母爱情。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">顺序3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/午后</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">云彩已泛锈迹</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">谁用最后的喧哗</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">镀亮这半陂残荷的晚风</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 诗语纯熟，诗意盎然。“锈迹”形象，与“镀亮”前后呼应。尾句内涵丰富，可谓佳句。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">水巷/上海</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">春雨 滴答 滴答</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">我听见它的声音</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">珍惜 珍惜！</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 若有所思，必有感应。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">苏有明/陕西</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">把“下次一定”折成纸船</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">顺生活溪流漂远</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">撞见“这次就好”浅滩晒暖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 活在当下，其他的都是云烟。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/行天 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">愿我华夏子民们</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">永葆血性担当</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">捍卫炎黄系统的纯正</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 主题很宏大，表达欠技巧。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/墨客吟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">口吐一行金语</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">打磨棱角</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">炼制滚烫的生活</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 皎皎者易污，峣峣者易折。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/岐麟散人</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">看夕阳被山尖一点点衔走</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">那群鹤发</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">在村口的风里，矮成半截影子</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> “衔”“矮”炼字精彩。作品表达出新，有情有景，诗意绵绵，让人联想。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/古墨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">很久了，西山硬扛着半个夕阳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">不肯落下</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">归人的脚步，请再提速</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">紫塞长风简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 用“归人的脚步”反衬“暮晚的守望”，手法新颖别致，耐人寻味。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">顺序4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/林康养</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">当初滚烫的祝福</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">与坚硬现实猛烈踫撞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">梦难圆 情却依然被时光拉长</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 祝福是美好的，即使未能如愿，但深情依旧。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/书虫</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">杨柳岸，种几粒星火</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夜黑路遥时</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">重温那一页情谊，可燎原</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 语言优美，诗意浓厚。有临别时的赠言重温，即使小如“星火”，但力量无穷，“可燎原”。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/王建刚</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">他望着天边迟迟不落的光</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">像等一个离开的身影</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">晚风，替他收起眼里的潮水</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 夕阳下的一望，几多感动。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮 望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/许家利</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕阳 卡在了肩头</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">炊烟助力 沾了一手</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">余晖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 构思巧妙，”卡”得有力，”沾”得漂亮。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/聆水</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">那团殷红一寸一寸慢慢地坠去</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">好像一个生命</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">对尘世 最后的眷恋和决绝</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 夕阳西下时的联想，表达对生命的感悟。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮 望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/古道白杨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">炊烟升腾 唤回</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贪玩的夕阳 瘦月无眠 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">贪婪啃着草上霜 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">巴山一松简评:</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 多个意象呈现晚景，“啃”字出新。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">赠言</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/雨花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">还排队绝种吗，小草</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">大地没沙化</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">倒合了花树的意</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 这是要表达什么？</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">黑火山泥环抱乳白泛蓝的温泉 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">熔炼夕阳倒影 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">众生瞳仁静燃同一种虔诚</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 记得华夏微诗社“微诗坊”推出你的一首微诗，用语简单，有内在深意。化繁为简，用自然，凝练的诗语去表达题旨，更能让读者心领神会。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">顺序5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/雨洒第一季</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">靓女，穿着火裙站在天边</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暧昧成嫔妃</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">终将随光阴一起老去</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">借景感叹青春年华远去，光阴已逝的无奈、伤感。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/往往醉后</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">炊烟漫过树梢</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕阳 把水面浸成橘色</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">谁 又独钓满塘秋</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">前两句描写景色，一幅画</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">定格在眼前。尾句抒情，让微诗活了起来，张力十足。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/雪儿怀春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">儿女远走异乡心坦然</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">生育观是道坎啊</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">老妪渴望他们醒悟转变</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">说理成分多了。心中之想，之观点，含蓄道出，会好些。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/苇强</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夏末天色暗下来</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">渐渐掩盖归鸟的翅膀</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">蛙和虫又可能一直叫到黎明</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">通过描述眼前之景，道出蛙和虫的又要工地到黎明了。仅从字面上理解，没有什么深的主旨。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">结尾的感受，挖掘还需想办法。有前两句铺垫，后面的提升一定得有个有力，让人思考的结尾。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/高峰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕阳 把影子越拉越长</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">风吹走最后一片晚霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">归鸟 却驮起半枚月亮</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">“夕阳”“晚霞”“归鸟”“月亮”，由时间为线索，句句写景。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">暮望</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">文/禅心素梦</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">夕霞染红长河</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">苍山 擎起一轮皎月</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">渡口钓归人</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;">昨夜星简评：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:20px;"> 简洁、凝练、意味深长。作者写景后，不忘写人。情景交融，呈现出一幅暮望图：美！</span></p>