<p class="ql-block">快乐与幸福，总是有代价的，这就是人生。</p><p class="ql-block">我是幸福的，上有父母疼爱，下有儿孙孝顺；</p><p class="ql-block">我是快乐的，八十多岁的父母，千里迢迢来广州，看望他们的儿孙；</p><p class="ql-block">四世同堂！</p><p class="ql-block">我所拥有的，常人不能及。</p><p class="ql-block">尤其是继父，宅心仁厚的老先生，一个敦厚朴实的八十多岁老爷子，把一个八十多岁的老太太照顾得无微不至！</p><p class="ql-block">都说老太太命好，还不如说是我的命好——病去快二十年的父亲尽其一生守护了我们，在那个艰难的特殊年代，他所担受的，不是一般人所能体会；他的特殊身份，他的大起大落，他心里的酸甜苦辣，并不能从年少的儿女们得到宽解，他只是默默承受，只是以他的方式，以那个年代给予他的全部力气，全然地护育我们。现在，母亲老了，又有如此宽厚的老爷子的恩顾，让我能够落户异乡，安心工作与生活；这是多大的福报啊，我常常怀疑自己能不能承受得起——我给予他们的，太少！而我所得的，又如此丰厚！我何以为报？</p><p class="ql-block">我所得的还不止于父辈，还有我的女人、我的儿女、我的兄弟姊妹，我所有的亲人都无一例外地宽厚待我，他（她）们并不苛求我什么，只愿我平安！</p><p class="ql-block">爱是鼓励与鞭策，也是压力，我速求大成的心态将我逼上拼命工作的征途。这几年经济环境不好，许多人选择躺平，但我不敢，也不愿意躺，因为我的任务尚未完成——我要在我彻底老去之前，累积我的报恩！</p><p class="ql-block">同事们说我还是三十岁的状态，身体好，心气足，我继续号令着一众伙伴，以我的方式继续我的征程。</p><p class="ql-block">但我太自信了，完全忘记了客观年龄和事业基础，我的蓝图画得太大，我的心气提得太高；忽然之间，我的担心就客观地呈现了——3月20日晚，发现视觉不正常，眼前出现一个光斑，视力下降明显；次日无改善；22日约诊中山眼科中心的专家，23日诊断为：眼底出血。</p><p class="ql-block">至此，状况日日严重，眼底血块已完全挡住左眼视线，我要瞎一只眼吗？</p><p class="ql-block">医生说，出血已控制住了，但视力完全恢复与部分恢复的几率，一半一半。</p><p class="ql-block">我该怎么办？！</p><p class="ql-block">外面已有人疯传：黄董瞎了！</p><p class="ql-block">小股东们开始骚乱：能退股吗？</p><p class="ql-block">一个瞎子还能带领我们赚钱改命吗？</p><p class="ql-block">我想这几年黑白颠倒的外贸人作息时间，可能就是主要的眼疾诱因吧，经这次诊断，血压也偏高——特么的！我居然有高血压！我居然要瞎一只眼！我居然开始遭人嫌弃与抛弃！——特么的！</p><p class="ql-block">幸福是有代价的，快乐是有代价的，这就是我的代价吗？</p><p class="ql-block">福报太厚，是要有承受力的，这就是我付出不多而得福太多的代价吗？</p><p class="ql-block">一个男人，富一次，穷一次，病一次，基本也就看透了。看透了，也就老了。</p><p class="ql-block">我是幸福的，是幸运的，上苍让我看透，却不让我老去——多少人一生都没有看透的机会，多少人还未看透就已老去——我说的看透，是堪透人生的意义；我说的老去，是失去追求的心气。</p><p class="ql-block">我有我灾，我有我福，这不就是人生吗？</p><p class="ql-block">我面对就是了！</p><p class="ql-block">面对不是接受，只是承认客观事实，做适当的调整，该走的路还得继续赶路；而接受，是妥协，是躺平，是放弃责任和追求。</p><p class="ql-block">谁说一只眼就不能继续工作了？谁说一只眼就不能干倒三只眼？真正的眼睛，在心里，在灵里！</p><p class="ql-block">或许，有些话是说给自己听的，一只眼睛看不见了，对谁都不是一件轻松事，谁都不能一笑而过吧。我承认我的失落与恐惧，但那些爱我的人，那些看见我心里、灵里还有一双眼睛的人，都在安慰鼓励我，他们说，不是还有一只眼吗！不是还有恢复的可能吗！生活事业不是主要靠脑子吗！</p><p class="ql-block">我家老爷子老太太，想着怎么给我转钱，怕我缺钱、惜钱，不肯坚持昂贵的治疗；我家女儿还在各种学习班加强学习；我家儿子居然在他的家里发现一只老鼠，拍视频给我看；我孙女还是那么胖乎乎的超级可爱；我的女人还在忙乎着自己的一堆事情；我还是玩着手机电脑写着字……除了一只眼睛半明半暗，生活在我眼里并无变化，一切按部就班！</p><p class="ql-block">我想，这就像是小时候意外弄丢了一张钱，左寻右找心疼了几天，然后就当是自己买包子吃了！如此而已。</p><p class="ql-block">2025/4/5，临屏。</p> <p class="ql-block">Happiness and joy always come at a cost—such is life.</p><p class="ql-block">I am happy. My parents dote on me, and my children and grandchildren are filial to me. </p><p class="ql-block">I am joyful. My parents, in their eighties, traveled thousands of miles to Guangzhou to visit their children and grandchildren. </p><p class="ql-block">Four generations under one roof! </p><p class="ql-block">What I have is beyond what most people can achieve. </p><p class="ql-block">Especially my stepfather—a kind-hearted old man, a simple and honest gentleman in his eighties, who takes meticulous care of an elderly lady in her eighties! </p><p class="ql-block">People say the old lady is lucky, but I think it’s me who’s blessed. My father, who passed away nearly twenty years ago, spent his entire life protecting us. During those difficult and extraordinary times, the burdens he bore were not something ordinary people could understand. His unique identity, his rise and fall, the sweetness and bitterness in his heart—these were not things we, his young children, could ease. He simply endured silently, protecting and nurturing us with all the strength the era had given him. </p><p class="ql-block">Now, as my mother grows old, she has the blessing of such a generous old man by her side, allowing me to settle in a foreign land, work, and live in peace. What a great blessing this is! I often wonder if I can truly deserve it—what I give to them is so little, yet what I receive in return is so much! How can I repay this? </p><p class="ql-block">The blessings I’ve received don’t stop with my parents. My wife, my children, my siblings—all my relatives without exception treat me with kindness and understanding. They don’t demand much from me; they only wish for my safety and well-being. </p><p class="ql-block">Love is encouragement and motivation, but it’s also pressure. My desire to achieve greatness pushed me onto the path of relentless work. In recent years, the economic environment has been tough, and many have chosen to "lie flat," but I dared not, nor did I want to. My mission isn’t complete—I need to accumulate my gratitude before I grow old. </p><p class="ql-block">My colleagues say I still have the energy of someone in their thirties—healthy, spirited, and ready to lead. I continued to command my team, pressing forward on my journey in my own way. </p><p class="ql-block">But I was too confident, completely overlooking my age and the foundation of my career. My plans were too ambitious, my ambitions too high. Suddenly, my worries became all too real—on the evening of March 20th, I noticed something was wrong with my vision. A spot of light appeared before my eyes, and my vision deteriorated significantly. No improvement the next day. On March 22nd, I made an appointment with a specialist at Zhongshan Ophthalmic Center, and on March 23rd, the diagnosis came: retinal hemorrhage. </p><p class="ql-block">Since then, the condition has worsened daily. The blood clot in my retina has completely blocked the vision in my left eye. Am I going to lose sight in one eye? </p><p class="ql-block">The doctor said the bleeding has been controlled, but the chances of full recovery versus partial recovery are fifty-fifty. </p><p class="ql-block">What should I do?! </p><p class="ql-block">Outside, rumors have already spread: "Director Huang is blind!" </p><p class="ql-block">Minor shareholders are panicking: "Can we withdraw our shares?" </p><p class="ql-block">Can a blind man still lead us to make money and change our fate? </p><p class="ql-block">I think the irregular hours of a foreign trade professional over the years may have been the main cause of this eye condition. With this diagnosis, I also found out my blood pressure is high—damn it! I have high blood pressure! I’m going blind in one eye! And now people are starting to look down on me and abandon me—damn it! </p><p class="ql-block">Happiness comes at a cost, joy comes at a cost—could this be mine? </p><p class="ql-block">Too much blessing requires the strength to bear it—could this be the price of receiving too much while giving so little? </p><p class="ql-block">A man, once rich, once poor, once sick—by then, he’s seen enough. Once you’ve seen enough, you’ve grown old. </p><p class="ql-block">I am happy, I am lucky. Heaven has allowed me to see through life’s truths, yet it hasn’t let me grow old—how many people never get the chance to see through life’s meaning, how many grow old before they ever do. </p><p class="ql-block">By "seeing through," I mean understanding the purpose of life; by "growing old," I mean losing the will to pursue. </p><p class="ql-block">I have my disasters, I have my blessings—isn’t this life? </p><p class="ql-block">I just have to face it! </p><p class="ql-block">Facing it isn’t the same as accepting it—it’s simply acknowledging the reality and making appropriate adjustments. The road ahead must still be traveled; acceptance, on the other hand, is compromise, lying flat, giving up responsibility and pursuit. </p><p class="ql-block">Who says you can’t work with one eye? Who says you can’t outdo those with three eyes? The real eyes are in the heart, in the soul! </p><p class="ql-block">Perhaps some of these words are just for myself. Losing sight in one eye isn’t easy for anyone; no one can just laugh it off. I admit my loss and fear, but those who love me, those who see the eyes in my heart and soul, are all comforting and encouraging me. They say, "You still have one eye, don’t you? There’s still a chance of recovery, isn’t there? Isn’t life and work mostly about the mind?" </p><p class="ql-block"><br></p> <p class="ql-block">My father and mother are thinking of ways to send me money, worried I might be short of it, reluctant to spend on expensive treatments. My daughter is still attending various classes to strengthen her learning. My son found a mouse in his house and filmed it for me to see. My granddaughter is still as chubby and adorable as ever. My wife is busy with her own affairs. I’m still playing with my phone, typing on my computer, writing… </p><p class="ql-block">Apart from one eye being dim, life looks no different to me—it’s all proceeding as usual! </p><p class="ql-block">I think this is like when I was a child and accidentally lost a bill. I searched for it, heartbroken for days, and then just convinced myself I’d spent it on buns. That’s all. </p><p class="ql-block">April 5, 2025. Written on the spot.</p>