于桂芹老师楹联点评《四七三期至期》

云中霞

<p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">简评铁西楹联协会练笔四七三期</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外；‌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">跟帖对</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">池边绿树，树边红雨，雨落溪边</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">海里扬波，波化雨，雨过天晴</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“见日”动宾结构，“天晴”主谓结构，不对品。类似改“海里扬波，波聚浪，浪过掀昼”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小仙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外；‌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">湖中绿水，水中红日，日落林中。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">梦里飞歌，歌化泪，泪落沾衣。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">对句过于虚了。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">柳上含烟，烟化雨，雨落遮山。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">耿新颖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">城南紫陌，陌南黄杏，杏挂枝南。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">月下赏梅，梅映雪，雪落藏踪。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]可“行踪”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 墨玉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">a</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">湖边绿柳，柳边红杏，杏舞风边</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“风边”不通，改“篱边”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">b</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">海上起风，风作浪，浪涌遮天</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">醉牛歌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">荷中碧叶，叶中银露，露溅塘中。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">柳下飞棉，棉化雪，雪落遮阳。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">徐增新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">6</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外；‌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">窗前玉树，树前黄菊，菊靓霜前。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">水里飞舟，舟破浪，浪落掀风。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">韩秀珍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">7</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">塘中绿水，水中银月，月落井中。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">海上架桥，桥变路，路启通衢。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵秀芬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">8</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空中紫燕，燕边绿柳，柳荡池边</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“燕边”不通。“中”应重复，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">室外垒砖，砖变壁，壁挡飞沙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“室外”可“室内”与“空中”对鲜明。“磊砖”过于直白了</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">9</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外；塘边绿柳，柳边紫燕，燕舞岸边。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山涧冻冰，冰积雪，雪尽生烟。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“山涧”可“山下”，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">宋云霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">10</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外；‌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌湖中绿岛，岛中紫榭，榭至桥头</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">园里观花，花吐蕊，蕊绽迎君；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">11</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">林间翠竹，竹间明月，月照世间。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“世间”改“花间”，都描写景物</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">水面冻冰，冰积雪，雪上加霜。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">邹丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">12</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外；‌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">林中翠鸟，鸟中彩凰，凰隐吴中。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">是“彩凤”吧？“吴中”一般指吴中区，江苏省苏州市辖区。对句过于具体了。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（第二“鸟”为鸟群）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">指下弹丝，丝抟凤，凤引匿凰。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（注：凤求凰司马相如卓文君）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">可直接描写景物，不用典。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">夏美玲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">13</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">海中碧浪，浪中白帆，帆行海中。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">后分句“海”不应重复，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">江上起风，风作浪，浪静归帆。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“浪静”可“浪遏”用动词对。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山间落雨，雨化溪，溪流入川。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">卢宝春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">14</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">水中绿竹，竹中银露，露洒湖中</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪上飞人，人化鳥，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟落生辉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“生辉”改“生烟”更契合景。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（大智若愚）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小结：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这是两副连珠对联练笔。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 连珠对又称为“连环对”或“顶针对”，是一种特殊的对联形式，其特点是上下联中相邻的句子（或分句）在内容上或形式上相互衔接，像珠子一样串联起来。以下是一些经典的连珠对联</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“‌楼外青山，山外白云，云飞天外；‌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌池边绿树，树边红雨，雨落溪边。‌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这对联中，上联的“楼外”接“青山”，“青山”接“山外”，“山外”接“白云”，“白云”再接“飞天外”，形成一连串的衔接。下联同样如此，形成严密的连环结构。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> “‌水面冻冰，冰积雪，雪上加霜；‌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">‌空中腾雾，雾成云，云开见日。‌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这对联通过自然现象的转换，巧妙地构成了连珠的形式，既形象又富有哲理。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">简评铁西楹联协会练笔四七四期</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（“竹”平水韵仄声）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">跟贴对</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">临池月照荷。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一犁夜雨润芳菲。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">顾毓昕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">开门雪满山。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">新春喜气漾神州。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">卢宝春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">穿林雨润禾</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“穿林”可对家居类，类似“穿堂”“凭栏”等</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一江碧水舞蹁跹</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“蹁跹”形容旋转舞动。最好对名词，类似对“鸳鸯”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（大智若愚）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牗风惊竹，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">临山雨入松。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁錦綉，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">初春夜雨润芳华。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“锦绣”指春天美好景色，其中包括花草。“芳华”指香花，改成其他类，可“田园”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">徐增新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">临山绿染林</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">三更细雨润桑田</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">6</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">临山鸟语春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一堤春柳舞婆娑</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“婆娑”盘旋舞动的样子，形容词，最好对名词。可对“丝绦”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">醉牛歌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">7</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">开门雪染梅</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一天春雨绘葱茏</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“锦绣”并列结构名词，“葱茏”：形容词（草木）青翠茂盛。最好对并列结构名词。类似“润田园”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">宋云霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">8</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">登枝雀唱春。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月春风裁锦绣，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一池碧水荡清新。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“锦绣”并列结构名词，“清新”形容词，改名词，类似“映园庐”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 墨玉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">9</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">凭栏雪覆松。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一湖春水涌诗潮。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">邹丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">10</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">开门月照松。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一江春水绘丹青。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">(自然风景)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">11</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牗风惊竹</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">开门燕归来</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“归”应仄声，“来”对应“竹”应改名词类似改“开门燕剪帘”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一湾绿水润春华</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“锦绣”并列结构名词，都指丝织品，指春天美丽景色，包括“春华”（春天的花），类似改“润田畴”。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">12</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">沾甍雨落松。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“沾甍”可“飞甍”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">满天细雨沐辉煌。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“锦绣”这里名词指春天美好的景色，象丝织品一样，“辉煌”可具体，类似改“润山川”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵秀芬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">13</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">衘山月邀星。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">最好“星”与“竹”同类，“山”与“牗”同类，可类似调整“推门月嵌山”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">三更北斗钓清凉。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“北斗七星”的出现意味着多种自然和文化现象，它“钓清凉”费解。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">韩秀珍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">14</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">开门雪满山。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">三春时雨润芳菲。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰] </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">蘇澤</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">15</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">开轩雨暗花。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“暗”形容词，直接换动词对，可“润”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">三更喜雨润芳菲。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">五更细雨洗烟尘。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">耿新颖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小结</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">参考对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">隔牖风惊竹，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（“竹”平水韵仄声）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">开门雪满山。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">二月东风裁锦绣，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一天春旭染云霞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> “锦绣”：（名词也是连绵词）1花纹色彩精美鲜艳的丝织品。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2比喻美丽或美好的事物。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">唐 刘禹锡诗：“珍重和诗呈锦绣，愿言归计并园庐。”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">元 赵善庆曲：“六桥锦绣，十里画图。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 上联生动的意象和巧妙的修辞，勾勒出一幅早春时节生机盎然的画卷。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">"二月"点明仲春时节，正值冰雪消融、万物复苏之际，为全诗铺设了充满希望的背景。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“东风”作为春日的信使，既是对节候的真实写照（古人云"东风解冻"），又暗含"春风化雨"的造化之功。动词"裁"字化无形为有形，将春风拟作巧匠，既呼应贺知章"不知细叶谁裁出"的古典意境，又赋予现代裁剪艺术的动态美感。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">"锦绣"二字形成视觉与触觉的通感，既描摹出漫山遍野的山花织锦、草木刺绣的绚烂景象，又暗含对山河锦绣的礼赞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 下联描绘了春日晨曦浸染云霞的绚烂画面，既有鲜明的视觉冲击力，又在字词运用上展现了创新意识。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">"染"字以动态笔触突破传统描写，将光的运动轨迹具象化，宛若可见朝霞层层浸染的过程。较之常规的"映"、"照"等字，更具绘画般的晕染效果。这种手法令人联想到王维"坐看苍苔色，欲上人衣来"的通感运用。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">"一天"作为空间量词突破常规时间表述，形成多维时空的交叠。既指代整个苍穹的广袤画布，又暗含晨光持续晕染的时间流动，与李贺"晓声隆隆催转日"的时空交融手法异曲同工。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">简评铁西楹联协会练笔四七五期（围绕春天对句）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影揺诗瘦，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">跟帖对</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影揺诗瘦，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花香入梦长。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">坐对荷塘数落花。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">顾毓昕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影摇诗瘦</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">梅香入梦清</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">可直接“梅花入梦香”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">静坐兰亭赏落花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小仙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影摇诗瘦，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春风绿柳肥。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">静看池塘赏戏鸭。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">徐增新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影摇诗瘦，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">月华弄韵长。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">静卧松亭看飞云。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“飞”应仄声</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 墨玉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影揺诗瘦</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春风吻柳青</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">静看河流冷落花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“冷”改动词。可“荡”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">6</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影揺诗瘦，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花香入韵长。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">静卧松岗盼信鸿。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">独倚梅亭数落红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">耿新颖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">7</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影摇诗瘦</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">松涛唱曲悠</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]“唱曲”改“奏乐，“涛”气势大</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">静对花坛赏落梅</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">宋云霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">8</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影摇诗瘦，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">榆钱入画圆。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">远望田畴走老牛。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“走老牛”类似改“赏放牛”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵秀芬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">9</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影摇诗瘦</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">林吟入曲悠</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“林吟”改名词“林风”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">静坐松亭数鸣蝉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“鸣”应仄声，改“耀蝉”（举火诱蝉）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（大智若愚）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">10</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影摇诗瘦</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">柳青伴韵长</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“柳青”改偏正结构名词“柳芽”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">静坐松林赏落松</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“松”重复了，可“赏落霞”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">11</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影摇诗瘦，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">松风入画幽。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">独倚兰亭看谢花。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“谢花”指宋代大宴及御筵时的一种礼节。改“落花”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">卢宝春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">12</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影揺诗瘦，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">荷风弄雨斜。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“雨”可“画”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">独倚柴扉赏落英。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">韩秀珍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">13</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影摇枝瘦，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花香绕树幽。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">漫步松岗赏落霞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">(自然风景)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">14</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影摇诗瘦</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">梅花入梦香</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">静倚梅园赏落花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">醉牛歌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">15</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影揺诗瘦，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春风吻墨香。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">漫觅池塘看游鱼。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“游”应仄声，改“钓鱼”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">邹丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小结：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">参考对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹影揺诗瘦，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">梅花入梦香。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> “竹影揺诗瘦”：竹影：竹子在中国文化中象征坚韧、虚心与高洁，其摇曳之影投射出静谧的氛围。 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> “揺诗瘦”： “揺”既是竹影的动态，也暗指自然对诗心的触动； </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> “诗瘦”指诗风清简劲瘦，呼应竹的挺拔与文人追求的“瘦硬”美学（如宋代文人推崇的“瘦金体”“清瘦诗风”）。 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 竹影的摇曳激发了诗人的灵感，诗作因而呈现出如竹般清峻简练的风格，体现自然与艺术的共鸣。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> “梅花入梦香”：梅花：象征孤傲、高洁与坚韧，常喻君子之德。 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> “入梦香”：梅香本为嗅觉体验，却渗入梦境，虚实交融； 暗喻梅花的精神气质已内化于心，成为诗人灵魂的底色。 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 梅的芬芳超越现实，萦绕于梦境，象征诗人对高洁品格的向往已深入潜意识。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">闲寻竹苑听啼鸟，常倚红楼恋落晖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 此联以“闲寻竹苑”与“常倚红楼”勾勒出悠然自得的生活图景，“听啼鸟”与“恋落晖”则通过视听交融的细腻笔触，传递出对自然之趣的沉醉。竹苑之幽静暗含文人雅士的高洁情怀，红楼暮色间的一抹流连，恰似时光长河里泛起的金色涟漪，将转瞬即逝的黄昏定格为永恒的诗意。全联在动静相宜中完成时空流转，余韵袅袅如晚钟。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">注：此联通过“竹苑”“红楼”的意象并置，构建出世外桃源与人间烟火的对照空间。“听啼鸟”的灵动生机与“恋落晖”的温柔眷恋形成情感张力，鸟鸣穿林、斜晖漫楼的画面里，既见陶渊明式归隐意趣，又透出李商隐般对易逝美好的怜惜，展现了中国古典诗歌“哀而不伤”的美学特质。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">简评铁西楹联协会练笔四七六期（围绕春天对句）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">跟帖对</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一湾溪月淡流霜。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风吹梅影斜。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">顾毓昕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千株堤柳久临风。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“久”可“翠”更好</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风吹柳线扬。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">韩秀珍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千条岸柳暖临风</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风吹竹叶摇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（大智若愚）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一行堤柳翠经风。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风吹柳眼开。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">耿新颖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一城烟树暖迎风</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松枝落</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">霜欺柳叶残</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">醉牛歌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">6</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千村田地暖开犁</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日照垂枝扬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“压”仄声，按“平平仄仄平”对句。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">7</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万家歌语暖春风。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“沐雨”动宾结构，“春风”偏正结构名词，类似改“迎风”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风吹冻土融。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">卢宝春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">8</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一窗幽暗静撩人。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“街灯街上的灯，偏正结构名词。“幽暗”形容词，应改名词，类似“一窗花朵靓迷人”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">枝摇玉蝶飞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 墨玉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">9</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万条嫩柳喜飞霞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“喜飞霞”改“翠含烟”更好</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">冰融柳絮飞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵秀芬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">10</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万点星光照老街</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">平仄按“平平仄仄仄平平”来对句。“街”字上下重复了不可，类似改“万杆酒幌暖稀星</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">冰消燕儿归</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“燕儿”应仄仄，改“燕子”，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">刘丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">11</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千株园树暖疏风</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">云开竹箭升</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“竹箭”指细竹或利箭，具体指？</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">宋云霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">12</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千家庭院晓迎晴</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风吹柳叶飘</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">(自然风景)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">13</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万家花木暖迎春。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风吹绿草生。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“绿草”改“草叶”对“松针”更工稳。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">邹丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">14</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万条巷口暖春风</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“巷口”改成具体“物”，“沐”动词，“春”改动词。类似改“巷柳翠临风”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风吹柳絮飘</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">15</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千家庭院春临风</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“春”应仄声，不然犯三连平</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风吹竹叶生</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">居洪义</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">16</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 十里街灯寒沐雨，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千条柳巷喜迎春。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松枝落，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风吹柳叶萌。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">徐增新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小结：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">参考对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">十里街灯寒沐雨，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一排巷柳暗浮烟。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> "十里"与"一排"形成空间张力，横向延展的街灯长廊与纵向排列的巷柳立柱，构建出多维度的立体空间。寒雨中的光带与烟柳中的暗影相互交织，恰似水墨画中的留白与晕染。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 感官通感</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">"寒沐雨"三字精妙，触觉的温度感（寒）与动态的视觉（沐雨）浑然一体，雨丝在橙黄灯光中形成光的瀑布。柳含烟则运用味觉通感，将氤氲水汽转化为可吞吐的烟雾，赋予静态景物流动的生命力。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪压松针落，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春随柳叶归。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这副联运用精妙的意象勾勒出冬去春来的季节变换，传递出生命轮回的哲思。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> "雪压松枝"以动势呈现冬季的压迫感，松的"落"既是物理层面的雪坠，更是寒冬统治力的消解。而"柳叶归"则通过柔婉的植物意象暗示春之复苏，柳叶的舒展恰似春神的青罗带，在视觉上形成银白与翠绿的色彩对位。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 上句"雪压"与下句"春随"形成时空折叠，短短十字间完成季节更迭的蒙太奇转换。动词"压"与"随"构成力量对比。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">简评铁西楹联协会练笔四七七期（围绕春天对句）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">跟帖对</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">琴昼阁中春。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花润堂前万户春。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">顾毓昕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花绽陌间春。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨润枝头万点红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">耿新颖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鱼戏门前波。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">犯三连平。“门”应仄声。类似“水中荷”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨落窗前一树红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">要有因果关系：因为“雪消”导致天暖树绿了。因为“雨落”树未必“红”，不够严谨。“一树白”比一树红，是否更恰当些？</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 墨玉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">蛙戏水中天</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">蝶绕路边花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风暖人间万木苏</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“人间”范围大，与“门外”不对等。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">云卷天边万籁悠</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“万籁”指各种声音，一般和“静”搭配。“悠”可以指悠长悠远，但有的声音不是悠长的。“万籁悠”修饰不准确。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鱼戏水中云</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风暖路边万树红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“路”改平声，不然犯孤平。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（大智若愚）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">6</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鱼在水中图</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“在”这里介词改动词“跃”，“图”所指不明，改“舟”。实物</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨润园中万朵红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">宋云霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">7</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">月映水中天</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风动窗前一树芳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">(自然风景)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">8</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">虫睡叶中图。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">冰化园中一树红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">邹丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">9</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">蝶舞院中间。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“间”方位词，改名词，类似“院中花”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨过窗前万木新。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">卢宝春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">10</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">蛙醒岸边情。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“情”太“虚”，对实物，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">霞落天边万点红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]“天边”可“窗间”，上下景都在一个画面里，更和谐。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵秀芬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">11</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鹤立鸡群间</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">出现“鸟、鹤、鸡”三个动物，属于不对等。“鸡群”应对方位词，“鸡”要仄声。类似改“鹤立水间舟”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">冰化山间万树红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“山”字重复了，类似改“冰化檐间一抹红”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">刘丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">12</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">客赋圃中花。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风动林间几点红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">韩秀珍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">13</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">蝶舞路旁花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“路”改“径”，上下景都在一个画面里。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨打路边万朵红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“路边”应平平，不然犯孤平，改“街边”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雷震窗前一点明。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">不够美，与上联意境和谐。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">14</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">蛙破水中天</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花绽窗前万点红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">15</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鱼戏水中荷。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨洒林间万木葱。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">徐增新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小结</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">参考对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">鸟栖廊上画，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花落榻边书。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 上联"鸟栖廊上画"中，"栖"字以鸟翅收束的动态凝固了空间，廊上悬挂的书画与真实栖息的禽鸟形成虚实交映。青羽点染墨韵，翅影婆娑宣纸，自然生灵与传统艺术在此达成诗意融合。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 下联"花落榻边书"以飘坠的花瓣打破静谧，"落"字的动势暗合书页翻动的韵律。散落榻前的花瓣与典籍互为注解：典籍承载千年智慧，落英见证四季轮回，两种不同维度的文明印记在此叠合。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> "廊-榻"的空间对仗构建出完整的文人生活场景，"画-书"的器物呼应昭示着传统士大夫"左图右史"的精神追求。而"栖-落"的动静转换，恰似水墨画中的留白技法，在凝固的时空里延伸出无限遐思。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雪消门外千山绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花绽堤边二月红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 时空对仗</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1. 空间维度："门外"与"堤边"形成近景与中景的呼应</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2. 时间线索：通过"雪消"暗示寒冬已逝，"二月红"点明早春时节</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">3. 色彩对仗："千山绿"与"二月红"形成青绿与朱红的视觉碰撞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 动静相生</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">• 动态过程："雪消"（固态→液态）、"花绽"（闭合→绽放）展现自然界的生命律动</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">• 静态呈现："千山绿"构成广角背景，"堤边红"形成焦点特写</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 数字修辞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">• "千山"以虚数夸张空间广度</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">• "二月"用实数锁定时间节点</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">• 数词组合增强画面纵深感。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">简评铁西楹联协会练笔四七八期（围绕春天对句）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（“笛”平水韵仄声）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">跟帖对</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红霞燕双飞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">词性不对，平仄按“仄仄仄平平”来对。类似改“天暖燕声柔”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">琴韵影入夕阳红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“琴韵”应平平，改“古琴”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">顾毓昕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风静水波平。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风细柳丝斜。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">渔歌情寄晚山幽。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">耿新颖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">云淡鸟声稀</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">渔歌韵伴暮山幽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">醉牛歌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">月淡夜星稀。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“夜星”改成花草类，类似改“月淡鸟声稀”。不然“日，月，星”有三足蟾之嫌。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红莺曲伴绿山临。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“临”动词，改形容词更工稳，可“幽”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">卢宝春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">云淡露珠稀</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">长箫曲赞夏荷欣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“欣”改“鲜”更工稳。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（大智若愚）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">6</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风暖柳丝长。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">渔翁波起浪花长。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“渔翁”改成物，“小舟棹起浪花稠”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵秀芬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">7</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风暖柳阴浓</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">渔舟影带夕阳归</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">宋云霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">8</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">月高花影重。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">云低烟雨浓</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">平仄按“仄仄仄平平”来对。“烟雨”最好改成花草类，类似“云密雨声隆”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">樵夫歌伴晚霞归。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">刘丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">9</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">气暖柳芽新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">桃花蕾伴彩蝶开</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">上联“笛”平水韵仄声，下联也得符合平水韵。而“蝶”平水韵也仄声，出律了。改“蜜蜂”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">10</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风细竹声幽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">渔舟影伴暮烟轻</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">(自然风景)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">11</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨细草芽新。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">桃花影伴晓风轻。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">邹丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">12</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">云淡树阴长</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">清泉水缓波光长</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">上下联不能有重复字。“水”重复了，上联“春水”代表水了，再出现“清泉”也是水类，也重复不可。“波光长”犯三连平，“波”应仄声。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">13</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风软草心香。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“草心”可草丛</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">樵歌情寄晚风香。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">韩秀珍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">14</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风暖鸟声欢。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">暮笛声随春水远，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">晨钟韵伴竹山幽。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 墨玉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小结：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">参考对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日高花影重，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风急鸟声轻。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> "日高花影重"呈现日光与阴影的视觉博弈：当空骄阳将花枝投影层层堆叠，用"重"字量化光影，赋予无形之影以绸缎般的质感。而"风急鸟声轻"则编织风声与鸟鸣的听觉对话，疾风呼啸中更显禽语幽微，物理学的声波对抗转化为诗学的意境相生。这两组矛盾意象构成蒙太奇式的画面拼接，形成多维度艺术通感。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">牧笛声随春水远</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">纸鸢影伴碧云高。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 上联"牧笛声随春水远"以听觉牵引空间想象，牧童短笛的颤音与春水的潺湲声形成复调共鸣，声波随着水流渐次消融于远方，在"声随水远"的线性延展中，创造出"余音绕梁，三日不绝"的绵长韵味。 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 下联"纸鸢影伴碧云高"则以视觉构建垂直空间，纸鸢纤薄的剪影刺破碧色天幕，与流云构成几何对话，"影伴云高"的并置既强化了画面的纵深感，又通过"伴"字赋予无机物以拟人情态。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">简评铁西楹联协会练笔四七九期（围绕春天对句）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（“阁”平水韵仄声）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">跟帖对</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">禅房有钟声。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“钟”应仄声，改“磬音”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">长桥迤逦卧清溪。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">顾毓昕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">竹林有鸟鸣。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“径”名词，“鸣”动词，改名词，可“鸟声”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">槐林错落嵌孤村。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 墨玉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">芳林有落英。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">平湖有钓舟。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">青山缥缈送斜晖。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">耿新颖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高峰有隐庐</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">长亭错落映斜阳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">醉牛歌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行经</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">耸山有过桥</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“耸山”应平平，不然犯孤平，改“高山”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">苍山缭绕望平川</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“缭绕”多指云烟曲折围绕。类似改“闲云缭绕接苍山</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（大智若愚）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">6</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空庭有燕居</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小亭错落隐长林</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">宋云霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">7</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">平川满落花。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">名园寥落伴平湖。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵秀芬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">8</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空山有鸟鸣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“行径”通行的小路，“鸣”动词，应名词，类似“鸟音”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">长廊迤逦隐芳园</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">(自然风景)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">9</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">伽蓝有诵音。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">远寺错落伴斜晖。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“阁”平水韵仄声，“寺”应平声，类似“毡房”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">卢宝春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">10</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">密林有落英</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“密”应平声，不犯孤平。可“丛林”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">长亭错落入园林</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">11</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">清湖有钓船。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">佳人窈窕过长桥。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]最好景物对景物，人物对人物。类似改“扁舟颠簸过长桥”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">韩秀珍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">12</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">浓荫有啼鸟</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“啼鸟”应仄平，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阶梯错落接山峰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">13</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花溪隐鹿鸣。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“鸣”动词，改名词，类似改“花林隐鹿踪”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小桥迤逦映清波。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">邹丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">14</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">清溪盼落花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]“盼”改“有”更工稳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">群山蜿蜒伴清溪</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“蜿蜒”应仄仄，改“起伏”（平水韵仄仄）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小结：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">参考对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷无行径，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空山正落花。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这幅对联通过描绘幽静的山谷和空寂的山景，传达了一种宁静、淡远的意境。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 上联“幽谷无行径”：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽谷：指深邃、幽静的山谷。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">无行径：没有明显的路径或足迹。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">整句意为：在幽深的山谷中，看不到人行走的痕迹，暗示人迹罕至，环境极为幽静。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 下联“空山有落花”：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">空山：空旷、寂静的山。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">有落花：有花瓣飘落。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">整句意为：在空旷的山中，只有花瓣轻轻飘落，进一步烘托出山中的宁静与自然的美丽。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">高阁参差连曲陌，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小园迢递送斜晖。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 1. “高阁参差连曲陌”：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 高阁：指高大的楼阁，象征着宏伟和壮丽。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 参差：形容楼阁高低错落，形态各异。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 连曲陌：楼阁之间由曲折的小路相连，增添了景致的层次感和神秘感。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2. </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小园迢递送斜晖：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 小园：指小巧精致的园林，与高阁形成对比，显得更加亲切和温馨。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 迢递：形容园林深远，给人一种悠远的感觉。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 送斜晖：斜晖指夕阳的余晖，送斜晖意味着夕阳的余晖洒在园林中，营造出一种宁静而温暖的氛围。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 整体来看，这两句诗通过描绘高阁和小园的景象，展现了园林的宏伟与精致，同时通过夕阳的余晖，营造出一种宁静而美好的氛围。诗人通过对景物的细腻描写，表达了对自然美景的欣赏和对宁静生活的向往。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">简评铁西楹联协会练笔四八十期（围绕春天对句）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">跟帖对</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">紫燕衔泥归。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“衔”应仄声，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">改平水韵“啄”仄声</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春柳已欲绕长堤。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“柳”应平声，改“柳丝”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">顾毓昕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">绿水绕村流。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春光先到靓孤村。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]“孤村”过于孤零，可“云村”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 墨玉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">灰鹤绕湖鸣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">曙光初映吻春花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（大智若愚）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">紫燕绕梁飞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春光乍现醒空庭。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">耿新颖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">白鹭掠云歌。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">湖光斜照捕鱼舟。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]“捕”可“映”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">卢宝春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">6</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">粉蝶绕花飞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小院</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花光初起映闲庭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">宋云霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">7</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">白鹭恋湖来。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“来”可“鸣”更美，有画面感</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">湖光直落到茅庐。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“茅庐‌”是指用茅草搭建的房屋，一般在地上山间。可“扁舟”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵秀芬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">8</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">大雁剪云归。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“燕”尾象</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">剪刀，“大雁”不象</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">月光初上抱幽亭。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">醉牛歌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">9</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">紫燕觅巢归</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">桃花已始绽矫姿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">10</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">紫燕越栏飞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春光初现照闲池</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">11</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">紫燕剪檐忙</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">江声乍起傍长堤</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">(自然风景)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">12</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">紫蝶绕花飞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨声初起叩高楼。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">韩秀珍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">13</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">碧水绕城流。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花香欲去浸高楼。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">邹丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">14</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">紫燕入檐鸣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">溪声初起绕平桥</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">居洪义</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">15</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">白鸽绕云飞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来街小苑</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">微雨淅沥敲花田</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“淅沥”形容声响，改偏正动词，可类似“初落”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小结</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">参考对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">黄莺移树啭，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">紫燕入楼飞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 黄莺移树啭，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">紫燕入楼飞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日暮微风起，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花香满院归。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这副联以黄莺和紫燕为题材，通过描绘它们在树间和楼中的活动，展现了生动的自然画面。黄莺的鸣啭和紫燕的飞翔，在日暮微风的吹拂下，更显得生机勃勃。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山色正来衔小苑，春阴只欲傍高楼。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这副联出自唐代诗人杜甫的《登高》：山色正好，仿佛要贴近小苑；春天的阴云似乎只想依傍着高楼。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 诗人通过描绘山色与春阴的景象，表达了对自然美景的欣赏，同时也隐含了对时局和个人境遇的感慨。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">简评铁西楹联协会练笔四八一期</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">跟帖对</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">绿添柳叶新。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“绿”应平声，不然犯孤平。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨过山河处处新。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">对的景物过大，不对等。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">卢宝春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">青回柳枝柔。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“枝”应仄声</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨润庭花朵朵红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">耿新颖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">翠涂柳丝柔</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">平仄按“平平仄仄平”或“仄平平仄平”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨润园花处处红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">醉牛歌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">绿归柳树轻。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“绿”应平声，不然犯孤平。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">晚临山川簇簇红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">类似改“雨润园花簇簇红”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">顾毓昕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">绿回柳叶萌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“绿”应平声，不然犯孤平。改“春回”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">浪洗春荷叶叶鲜</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（大智若愚）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">6</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">粉着杏枝妖。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">平仄按“平平仄仄平”，类似“白飞杏雨妖”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">月临湖波点点金。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“临”应仄声，上联“拂”新韵平声。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">墨玉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">7</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">青撩野草萌。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨打山茶片片香。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵秀芬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">8</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">绿出柳芽青</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">平仄按“平平仄仄平”来对句。类似“春回柳色青”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨打桃林朵朵红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]可“庭桃”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">9</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风来杏雨香。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨润田园处处新。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">邹丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">10</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">白添兰蕊鲜</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨润山花朵朵红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">宋云霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">11</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">白添杏蕊娇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨润堤桃朵朵鲜</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">12</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">翠摇柳叶鲜</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“翠”应平声，不然犯孤平。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨润园松个个新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“新”可对颜色词“青”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">(自然风景)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">13</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">青回细草新。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]可“春回”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨沐园花点点红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">韩秀珍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">14</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">绿归杨柳新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">雨催野花片片红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">上联是新韵，“催”应仄声。“野花”应平平。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">居洪义</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">15</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小结</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">参考对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">红入桃花嫩，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春归柳色新。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这联出自唐代诗人杜甫的《江畔独步寻花七绝句》之一。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“红”指桃花的颜色，桃花初开时呈现出娇嫩的粉红色。 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> “入”字形象地描绘了红色逐渐浸染桃花的过程，仿佛红色慢慢渗透到花瓣中。 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> “嫩”字突出了桃花初开时的柔嫩与娇美，展现了春天的生机与活力。 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“春归”指春天到来，万物复苏。 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> “柳色新”指柳树在春天长出新芽，呈现出嫩绿的颜色，显得格外清新。 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这句诗表现了春天回归时，柳树焕发出新的生命力，给人一种清新、充满希望的感觉。 </span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风拂街柳条条绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日照庭梅朵朵红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这幅对联描绘了春天生机勃勃的景象。上联“风拂街柳条条绿”，描绘了春风吹拂下，街边的柳树条条嫩绿，充满了生机；下联“日照庭梅朵朵红”，则描绘了阳光照耀下，庭院中的梅花朵朵绽放，红艳艳的，显得格外美丽。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">简评铁西楹联协会练笔四八二期</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">跟帖对</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">歌声袅袅，商贾鎏金。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">上下联意境隔的远，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万倾涛浪，有地皆丰。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“涛浪”改“稻浪”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">顾毓昕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴翠滴</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">夜暮茫茫，晚霞落尽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">平仄不对。下联按“平平仄仄，仄仄平平”来对。类似改“月光皎皎，夜幕镀银”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万倾碧波，有浪皆欢</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">下联平仄按“前分句平平仄仄”来对。（平声指拼音一二声，仄声指拼音三四声）类似改“一池波浪，有水皆欢”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">刘丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春风暖暖，庭院飞红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一庭花雨，是地皆丹。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]“是地”可“有地”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万重稻浪，是地皆黄。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">耿新颖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">星光闪闪，野陌流银。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">多层菊影，满地皆黄。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵秀芬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融 田畴滴翠</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">泉声沥沥 草木流芳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛 无山不绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一村麦浪 遍地皆金</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">宋云霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">6</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">霞光灿灿，谷壑泛青</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“霞光”是红或金色，改“泛青”为“跃金”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万池日丽，有水皆金</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“日丽”改“日影”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（大智若愚）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">7</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融, 田畴滴翠。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">朝晖灿灿，岭壑披金。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">八方花海，有处皆香。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“有处”改“有地”，具体所指</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 醉牛歌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">8</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春风阵阵，野陌飘香。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“融融”形容暖和，“阵阵”指一段时间，改成动词或形容词重叠，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一池碧水，有影皆清。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">类似“一池波浪，有水皆清”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">邹丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">9</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">桃花灼灼，蕊瓣吐香。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]“桃之夭夭，灼灼其华。对句画面单一些，类似“和风细细，花蕊吐香”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一窗竹韵，有墨同芳。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一般说“幽竹”，“同芳”改“皆幽”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万顷麦浪，有地皆春。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 墨玉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">10</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山光灿灿，景物含芳，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“景物”包含宽泛，应具体，类似改“花木”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">三春燕语，是处皆青。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“是处”应实指景物，可“有地”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">(自然风景)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">11</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">月光暖暖，山野洒银</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“暖暖”改“皎皎”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万杆竹影，满林皆清</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“林”应仄声，类似“有水皆幽”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张红</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">12</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">风声细细，庭院添红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一帘梅影，滿院皆红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">韩秀珍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">13</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畦滴翠</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春光泛泛，涧水飞珠</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]对颜色词更工，类似“跳金”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">百篇词赋，浓墨飘香</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">上下联意境隔的远，不关联，最好对景物。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">居洪义</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">14</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春光暖暖，绿树遮阴。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">上联“滴翠”下联不要提“绿”，类似“春光灿灿，堤树筛金”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">一江碧水，似画如诗。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">调整一下：一湾江浪，有水皆蓝</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">卢宝春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">15</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春风缓缓，柳絮涂白；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">四周麦浪，有垄皆潮；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“潮”不明，麦浪下，应该看不到垄吧？可“青”或“春”（指生机）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小结</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">参考对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">日色融融，田畴滴翠；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">春光灿灿，庭院飞红。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 上联以阳光和田野为核心意象。"融融"形容阳光温暖和煦，化用《诗经》"春日载阳"之意；"滴翠"运用通感手法，将视觉的绿意转化为动态的滴落感，仿佛嫩绿的庄稼能渗出翠色。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 下联聚焦庭院春景。"灿灿"与"融融"形成光感呼应，既指阳光明亮，又暗喻春光明媚；"飞红"巧妙呈现花瓣纷飞之态，与上联"滴翠"构成色彩对比。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2. 艺术手法：视听结合"滴翠"属视觉转化为触觉，"飞红"则赋予静态花瓣以动态美，形成空间流动感。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">数字对仗：上下联"日色"对"春光"（自然气象），"田畴"对"庭院"（空间场景），"滴翠"对"飞红"（动态色彩），严格遵循对联的工对要求。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 叠词运用："融融""灿灿"增强韵律感，符合《文心雕龙》"叠韵杂句，玲玲如振玉"的声韵美学。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">采用四字+四字的复合句式，前分句铺垫氛围，后分句具象描写，形成由虚入实的递进关系。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">千里松涛，无山不绿；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万屏麦浪，有地皆春。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> "千里"极言空间之广，"松涛"以听觉意象（松林如涛声）带出视觉画面</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">"无山不绿"运用双重否定强调漫山遍野的绿意，其中"绿"字活用为动词，暗含"绿水青山就是金山银山"的生态理念</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> "万屏"比喻广袤麦田如万面屏风，"麦浪"与上联"松涛"形成工对</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">"有地皆春"与"无山不绿"形成巧妙呼应，"春"字点明季节生机特征</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">"麦浪"意象暗示丰收前景，展现农耕文明的喜悦。</span></p> <p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">简评铁西楹联协会练笔四八三期</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">跟帖对</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">1</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">袅袅炊烟月焕妍。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">平仄不对。改成交股对联“炊烟袅袅淡更轻”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">水岸迎风光。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">类似改“碧水过云帆”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">顾毓昕</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">2</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">枝枝梅蕊雪含香</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“雪”名词，改成形容词，类似“艳含香”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">盛世展宏图</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]春联可以。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">蘇澤</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">3</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">峰峰山色淡趋浓。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“峰峰”类似改“重重”更工稳</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">花事助清诗。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">耿新颖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">4</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">悠悠柳韵翠添浓。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“处处”名词重叠，“悠悠”形容词重叠，最好名词重叠。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">喜鹊恋晴天。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“恋晴天”少意境改“引高歌”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">醉牛歌</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">5</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">时时杏蕾萌意浓。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“萌意浓”与“寒转暖”词性结构不对。类似“时时杏蕾瘦增肥”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">万物蕴生机。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">卢宝春</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">6</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">幽幽岭色翠生欣</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“幽幽”形容词重叠，应名词重叠。类似改“层层山色白含青”（“白”平水韵仄声）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">初夏现青禾</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]季节隔的远了，最好同季节描写。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">（大智若愚）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">7</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">行行柳色旧更新</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">时雨润新花</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">宋云霞</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">8</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">人人丽影美添香。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“人人”改“时时”。“丽影”就指美丽的影像或美人的身影了。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">草色画名园。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">可化典“草色遥看近却无”诗，类似“草色映天街”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">赵秀芬</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">9</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">番番花信暗催香</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“暗催香”改“瘦增肥”，花信从梅花开始逐渐百花盛开。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">好雨沐芳辰</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">(自然风景)</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">10</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">层层绿意浅加深。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">喜鹊报佳音。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">邹丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">11</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">条条雨线细滋青</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">可“条条雨水线穿珠”，（寒暖是形容词，线珠是名词，属于句中自对。）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">时雨戏和风。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">韩秀珍</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">12</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">山山杏树缓生白</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“缓生白”不通顺。直接对“排排山树瘦增肥”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">暖气绘芳菲</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“暖气”改“淑气动芳华”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">张勇</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">13</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">层层山色翠更新。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“翠更新”改“褐含青”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">丝丝暮雨冷添愁</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“冷添愁”因为冷，添加了愁绪，冷与愁是因果关系了。应是并列关系。类似“爽生凉”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景，</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">仲夏绽红霞。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">季节隔的远些，还围绕“春”来对句。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">晨雾锁云峰。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">[玫瑰]</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 墨玉</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">14</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">朵朵桃红浅更深。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">平仄上联“仄仄平平平仄仄”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">下联按“平平仄仄仄平平”来对句。（“平”指拼音一二声，“仄”指拼音三四声）类似改“丛丛花树浅更深”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春升丽景</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">暖阳照清荷</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">“阳”字重复了不可以。可“旭日映青荷”</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">刘丽</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">15</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">小结</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">参考对句</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">A</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">处处春光寒转暖</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">年年淑景去还来。（“还”读huan）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这幅对联通过自然景象的更迭，表达了冬去春来、时光流转中蕴含的生机与希望。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 对仗解析："处处"对"年年"（空间广度对时间长度）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> "春光"对"淑景"（春日光景的不同雅称）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> "寒转暖"对"去还来"（温度与季节的往复变化）</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 上联以温度变化为线索，描绘春回大地时寒气渐消的细微过程；下联则站在更宏观的时间维度，展现美好年景虽会暂别但终将循环重现的自然规律。二者共同构对"春"的立体刻画。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这幅对联常见于农历新年张贴，既是对自然规律的客观描述，也寄托着人们对困境终将过去、美好必将重现的坚定信念，短短十四字中蕴含着深刻的循环哲学与生命智慧。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">B</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">阳春生丽景；</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">瑞雪化甘泉。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 这幅对联通过自然意象的对比与呼应，传递了吉祥美好的寓意：</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;">上联以春日景象起兴，描绘阳光和煦的春天催生绚丽景色的画面。其中"阳春"既指时节，又暗喻温暖生机，"丽景"则象征着美好前景的展开。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 下联转而写冬雪，瑞雪是丰年吉兆，"化甘泉"既写冰雪消融的自然过程，又暗含困难转化为福祉的深意。甘泉更暗示了滋养万物的生命之源。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><span style="font-size:22px;"> 上下联在时空上形成季节轮回的呼应：春之生机与冬之蓄养相承。</span></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p><p class="ql-block"><br></p>