What got you Here won′t get you There

BQT

Image yourself at somewhere middle of the mountain, you look down, there were millions of people trying to climb and you feel happy and proud of where you've achieved. You are Here, ahead of those people, and if you're just satisfied where you are and stop walking, it's fine, nobody can judge and blame your choices; while if you look up and find somewhere with much great view and you want to get there, then here is something you may need to know, the distance you may need to trace, between your vision of here and there.

You are here; You can get there; But you have to understand that what got you here won't get you there. 

By understanding that, let's have a look on what holds you back from the top, and here are the most annoying interpersonal issues (twenty habits) in the workplace and help you figure out which ones apply to you.

1. Winning too much: the need to win at all costs and in all situations- when it matters, when it doesn't, and when it's really beside the point.

2. Adding too much value: the overwhelming desire to add our two cents to every discussion

3. Passing judgement: the need to rate others and impose our standards on them

4. Making destructive comments: the needless sarcasms and cutting remarks that we think make us sound sharp and witty.

5. Starting with 'No' 'But' or 'However': the overuse of these negative qualifiers which secretly say to everyone, 'I'm right, you're wrong'.

6. Telling the world how smart we are: the need to show people we're smarter than they think we are.

7. Speaking when angry: Using emotional volatility as a management tool

8. Negativity or 'Let me explain why that won't work': The need to share our negative thoughts even when we weren't asked.

9. Withholding information: The refusal to share information in order to maintain an advantage over others.

10. Failing to give proper recognition: the inability to praise and reward

11. Claiming credit that we don't deserve: the most annoying way to overestimate our contribution to any success.

12. Making excuses: the need to reposition our annoying behavior as a permanent fixture so people excuse us for it.

13. Clinging to the past: the need to deflect blame away from ourselves and onto events and people from our past; a subset of blaming everyone else.

14. Playing favorites: failing to see that we are treating someone unfairly.

15. Refusing to express regret: the inability to take responsibility for our actions, admit we're wrong, or recognize how our actions affect others.

16. Not listening: the most passive-aggressive form of disrespect for colleagues.

17. Failing to express gratitude: the most basic form of bad manners.

18. Punishing the messenger: the misguided need to attack the innocent who are usually only trying to help us.

19. Passing the buck: the need to blame everyone but ourselves.

20. An excessive need to be 'me': exalting our faults as virtues simply because they're who we are.

Awareness is always the first and vital step for change, and now we are acknowledge the habits, then how can we change for better? Here is a seven-step method for changing our interpersonal relationships and making these changes permanent.

1. Feedback

Feedback has always been with us, a four-pane grid known as the Johari divides our self-awareness into four parts, based on what is known and unknown about us to ourselves, there are moments when we can get blindsided by how others really see us, when we discover a truth about ourselves, these blindside moments are rare and precious gifts. They hurt, perhaps(the truth often does), but they also instruct.

Here are five ways you can get feedback by paying closer attention to the world around you.

- Make a list of people's casual remarks about you

- Turn the sound off

- Complete the sentence

- Listen to your self-aggrandizing remarks

- Look homeward

2. Apologizing

Apologizing could be the most magical, healing, restorative gesture human beings can make. Once you're prepared to apologize, here's the instruction manual.

You say, 'I'm sorry'

You add, 'I'll try to do better in the future', not absolutely necessary, but prudent in my view because when you let go of the past, it's nice to hint at a brighter future.

And then.. you say nothing. Don't explain it. Don't complicated it. Don't qualify it. You only risk saying something that will dilute it. The only sound advice is get in and get our as quickly as possible. The sooner you can get the apology over with, the sooner you can move on to telling the world.

3. Tell the world, or advertising

After you apologize, you must advertise, it's not enough to tell everyone that you want to get better, you have to declare exactly in what area you plan to change.

4. Listening

80 percent of our success in learning from other people is based upon how well we listen. The first active choice you have to make in listening is to think before you speak. To learn from people, you have to listen to them with respect.

The trouble with listening for many of us is that while we're supposedly doing it, we're actually busy composing what we're going to say next. This is a negative two-fer: You're not only failing to hear the other person, you're orchestrating a comment that may annoy them, either because it misses the point, adds meaningless value to the discussion, or worst of all, injects a destructive tone into the mix.

Asking 'Is it worth it' forces you to consider what the other person will feel after hearing your response.

5. Thanking

Thanking works because it express one of our most basic emotions: gratitude. Gratitude is not an abstraction, it's a genuine emotion, which cannot be expected or exacted. The best thing about saying 'Thank you' is that it creates closure in any potentially explosive discussion. What ca you say after someone thanks you? You can't agree with them, you can't try to prove them wrong, you can't trump them or get angry or ignore them. If you can get an A+ in gratitude, nothing bad will ever come of it. Only good.

6. Following up

Once you master the subtle arts of apologizing, advertising, listening, and thanking, you must follow up --relentlessly. There is an enormous disconnect between understanding and doing. People don't get better without follow-up.

A simple process: Pick an issue in your life that you're not happy with and that you want to improve. Make a list of a dozen small daily tasks -- nothing so major that it overwhelms the rest of your day-- that you need to do to improve in your chosen area. Have someone ask you about each task at the end of each day, that's it. As with any exercise, you won't see results immediately, but if you stick to it with daily follow-up, you will do all the tasks on your list and the results will appear. You will change, You will be happier, and people will notice.

7. Practicing feedforward

As a concept, as something to do, feedforward is so simple, yet some of the simplest ideas are also the most effective, since they're so easy to di, you have no excuse not to try them.

Feedforward asks you to do four simple steps.

1. Pick the one behavior that you would like to change which would make a significant, positive difference in your life

2. Describe this objective in a one-on-one dialogue with anyone you know.

3. Ask that person for two suggestions for the future that might help you achieve a positive change in your selected behavior.

4. Listen attentively to the suggestions. Your only ground rule: You're not allowed to judge, rate, or critique the suggestions in any way, you can't even say something positive, such as, 'that's a good idea', the only response you're permitted is, Thank you.

To better handle on the process of change, there're some rules you need to keep in mind.

- You might not have a disease that behavioral change can cure.

- Pick the right thing to change

- Don't delude yourself about what you really must change

- Don't hide from the truth you need to hear

- There is no ideal behavior

- If you can measure it, you can achieve it

- Monetize the result, create a solution

- The best time to change is NOW

You are here.

You can get there.

Let the journey begin!