郭合英老师 | 2020年10月浙江十校联盟读后续写讲评：Through the ice

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主题语境：人与自我----不要为了讨好他人而改变自己的初心 语篇类型：记叙文 背景介绍： 浙江省2016年将读后续写纳入高考题型，但是每次批阅学生的写作，感觉学生更注重故事情节而往往忽略了故事蕴含的寓意。其实每一个故事的产出都有它的价值和背后的话题。为此我有感而发写了这篇续写，着重想谈谈故事背后的寓意以及对 “欧亨利式结尾”的尝试。 语篇介绍： 那年冬天，池塘结冰，哥哥哈里怂恿“我”从冰上试走，为我们接下来的溜冰探路。我为了讨好哥哥，毫不犹豫地答应了。不幸的是，我行至冰中，冰面突然开裂，我掉进了冰窟。我尝试了多次想爬出来，但毫无结果。我既冷又怕，无助地望向哥哥哈里。哈里为了救我从池塘跑开去寻找救援。最终我被救了，哈里被母亲教训了。但他“本性难改”，还会怂恿我去做其他事情，而我却变了。“池塘事件”成了我心中永远抹不去的烙印，我学会了拒绝，我不会为了取悦他人而去做一些冒险的事情。我明白了：余生很长，自己最贵，从现在开始，学会拒绝。 主要围绕四个学习目标进行： 1．情景导入 让学生观看视频并说出视频蕴含的寓意：不要为了讨好他人而改变自己的初心：余生很长，自己最贵，从现在开始，学会拒绝。 2．读后续写文本分析 分析题材、体裁、人物、时间、事件、原因等方面。 3．情节推理 运用之前讲过的“逆推法”，再结合“冰窟自救”的一些理论知识，对故事情节展开合理推断；进行相关词汇的积累和不同心里活动的积累，为高分写作作铺垫。 4．主题升华 每一个故事背后都蕴含了一定的寓意，它是文章的“点睛之笔”，既可以起到画龙点睛作用，又能为读后续写增香添色。 03原题再现 阅读下面短文，根据所给情节进行续写，使之构成一个完整的故事。 About a half-mile behind our Minnesota farm lay a pond. In summer, my brother Harry and I would run through a stand of oak trees to skip stones there. The pond wore a collar of black mud. It was not a place for swimming. In late summer, the pond would be covered by a green and bubbly scum（起泡的浮渣）. Sometimes a strong, unpleasant smell rose from it. We stayed away. When winter came, the pond was once again an inviting place. One day when ice covered it, Harry said to me, “Try walking across.” The ice looked solid. No water showed through it, but I hesitated. “Go ahead.” Harry urged. “Try it. You’re lighter than I am. If the ice holds, we can run and slide carefully on it. It’ll be fun.” I wanted to please Harry, and I thought about the fun of a long slide on the ice. I began to slide across the pond. In the middle of the pond, the ice gave way with a sudden crack（裂缝）! I stretched out（伸展）my arms. The next thing I knew I was hanging on to the edge of a hole in the ice by arms outstretched on the ice. From my shoulders down I hung in icy water. I thought of the bottom of the pond. I knew it would be black and awful down there, full of mud and maybe rotting creatures. I tried to climb out of the hole, but when I got a knee on the ice, it broke like glass. Again and again I tried to get out. Again and again the ice broke into pieces. The hole widened. I was wearing a coat of heavy material. As it became completely wet, it dragged me down. I was tired of the struggle and rested with my arms stretched out on the ice. I looked at Harry on shore. He seemed rooted to the spot. “I can’t get out!” I screamed when I caught some breath. 注意：1. 所续写短文的词数应为150左右； 2. 至少使用5个短文中标有下划线的关键词语； 3. 续写部分分为两段，每段的开头语已为你写好； 4. 续写完成后，请用下划线标出你所使用的关键词语。 Paragraph1:Harry turned and ran from the pond. Paragraph2:The moment I crashed through the kitchen door, sobbing, mum rushed over. 04教学过程Step 1 Scenario introduction 情景导入Show a short video and ask the students to discuss “What's the moral of this video?”设计目的：用短视频引入我们今天的续写话题。 Step 2 Analyze the article 文本解读Task 1: Read for plots.who where What happened 设计目的：了解故事的主人公，获取原文已知情况。 Task2: Let the students figure out the relationship of the persons Task3: Finish “ choose 5 out of 7 ”--- How to survive the ice?It can be truly terrifying to fall through ice on a frozen lake. 1. In fact, there is more time to help you survive than you think. As you first hit the freezing water, you will almost breathe quickly at once. Remember to get control of your breathing and not to move around. 2. This means that it takes about one minute to gain control of your breathing, ten minutes to move before you get too cold. The final one is to remind you that it will take one hour before you become unconscious. Take that first minute and fully on your breathing. Slow it down, and then look around to see if you can locate the thickest area of ice. When you locate the ice, stretch your arms over the surface, and then begin to flutter-kick(上下打水) until your body becomes horizontal with the surface. 3. . It is possible that you can live for several hours after passing out. This, however, does require some planning. You only have about 10 minutes before your muscles and nerves become too cold to work. Besides, what if you feel too weal to go on and you cannot get out? 4. The point is to encourage your coat to freeze to the ice, so that if you lose consciousness, you will keep your head out of ice. 5. . A. It can help to remember the “1-10-1 principle”. B. However, if you remain calm, it can save your life. C. Remove any clothing or heavy objects that are weighting you down. D. Thus you will remain visible for rescue, even if you pass out. E. Kick hard and use your arms and hands to climb out of the water. F. Remember that you should always stay off ice that’s only 3 inches. G. Place your arms over the surface of the ice and remain still. Step 3 Episodic reasoning 情节推理根据所学的相关知识，结合“逆推法”，让学生推测可能存在的情节：Paragraph 2:The moment I crashed through the kitchen door, sobbing, mum rushed over. Paragraph 1: Harry turned and ran from the pond. Task1: 让学生分析第一段情节中人物的心里变化过程Harry: “I” Task2: 第一段心里活动词汇积累。心情 相关词汇 worrieddespair relieved happy afraid Task 3 “动词荟萃”+“妙语连珠”动作 相关词汇 cry 手部 动作 脚部 动作 站 Task 4: 第二段心里活动词汇积累。心情 相关词汇 angry ashamed relieved happy afraid Task 5 “动词荟萃”+“妙语连珠”动作 相关词汇 训斥 胆战 心惊 Step 4 Thematic sublimation 主题升华最后 “我” 得出了什么经验教训： A possible answerParagraph 1:Harry turned and ran from the pond. Paragraph 2:The moment I crashed through the kitchen door, sobbing, mum rushed over. Homework第一节完形填空（共20小题；每小题1.5分，满分30分）阅读下面短文，从短文后各题所给的A、B、C和D四个选项中，选出可以填入空白处的最佳选项。 Cruz Gent, 11, and Anthony Skopick, 10, couldn't agree. Were the ___1___ out on the ice ducks or geese? There was only one way to find out. So on a ___2___ January evening last year, the two friends ___3___ onto the frozen pond near their homes to get a better ___4___. First they threw a rock onto the ice to test it. Then they stepped on it. Convinced the ice would ___5___ their weight, Anthony took a few steps, then... FOOMP. He crashed through the ___6___ frozen surface. Instantly Cruz rushed to help his ___7___ friend. FOOMP — the pond swallowed him too. Cruz ___8___ to lift himself out of the icy water and onto a more solid section. He then ___9___ worked his way toward Anthony. But the ice didn't hold, and he fell in again. This time, he couldn't get out. The boys were up to their necks in the cold water and quickly ___10___ feeling in their arms and legs. Any chance of their freeing themselves was slipping away. Cruz was sure he was going to ___11___. Anthony's older sister had seen the boys fall through the ice and ___12___ screaming for help. John Lavin, a ___13___ driving nearby on his way to the grocery store, heard her. He quickly ___14___. Seeing the boys, he grabbed a nearby buoy (浮标), ___15___ his shoes, and ran into the icy water, making his way through the ice with his free fist. Finally, Lavin got close to Cruz and Anthony and pulled them back to ___16___. They were taken to the hospital, where ___17___ discovered that their five-minute stay in the water had ___18___ their body temperature nearly ten degrees.___19___, the boys have fully recovered, but they are still impressed by their ___20___ neighbor. "Just think," says Cruz, "if he hadn't been there, I could have died." 课件展示 <h3>郭合英，毕业于杭州师范学院英语专业，教育硕士，中学一级教师。曾获得修武县“优秀教师”荣誉称号”、余杭区　“五心教师“　荣誉称号、“优秀班主任” 荣誉称号。在《校园英语》发表论文《巧搭支架，帮学生提高英语概要写作》，在《余杭教育》发表《高中英语概要写作常见问题及对策》。任教高三十几年，多次担任备课组长，多次参加浙江省高考阅卷，现任教于余杭区树兰高级中学。 </h3> <h3>课件VIP请移步</h3><h3>www.sunedu.com </h3><h3>直接下载</h3><h3>非课件VIP扫描二维码获取购买链接</h3> <a href="https://mp.weixin.qq.com/s/NG9lbr0S9EtBlQL_iL_Fbw" >查看原文</a> 原文转载自微信公众号,著作权归作者所有